Clarity Plus One

Animo

2007-08-12T14:22:00.000+08:00

Mood: surprised
Listening to: Everlong - Foo Fighters

~
D! LS! U! Animo La Salle~!

We lost by three points. But my first time to watch an Ateneo vs La Salle game as a certified La Sallian is the shiz. I love it~! But I still blame JV Casio. Demmet. Katie's dad is the luvvv. Haha.

Oo nga pala, nawala yung USB ko sa Netopia sa Farmers Market. Shit.

Message

2007-07-25T19:21:00.000+08:00

"Its nt da sme pagwla kau d2.
Iba tlga ung kasyahn
pag pinsan ang ksma
huhuhu T_T. B0rin dun
haAy. Punta kau d2
once kay. Sna d nlng tau
lht nagkhiwalay eh di
lahat wil b lyk b4. L0ve
yal n we'l definitly mis u!"

Tina's message before boarding the plane for Dubai last night.
I'll surely miss them. At the same time, I'm quite excited
because she's graduating in July and will pursue Culinary
Arts here in the Philippines. I love it.

Alright, back to HP again. Umuwi ulit ako ng maaga today.
Hindi na ako tumambay.

Wala Lang

2007-07-23T13:59:00.000+08:00

Mood: blah
Listening to: Roses - Meg and Dia

~
Lumabas na ang dyaryo. Wala lang. Sakto. Hulyo 23, 2007 siya lumabas. Hindi late. Buti naman. Pero hindi ko parin siya gusto. Ang gusto ko lang dun ay yung front page photo na thankfully ay hindi nasira. Salamat, Rapids.

Umuwi ako ng maaga ngayon. Wala lang. Masaya pala umuwi ng maaga. Sana ganito nalang araw-araw. Wala masyadong iniisip. Tumambay ako sa office pero sandali lang. Parang inantay ko lang dumating yung dyaryo kahit ayaw ko talaga makita. Ayun wala lang. Back to normal na ba ang buhay ko? Taena. Nakatatak pa rin sa akin ang midterm grade ko sa SPD. Ayoko na. Sumasakit na puso ko. And yes, nagising ako ng maaga ngayon. 6am po. Hindi na 9am.

Haayy, aalis na sila Tina, Yana and Jobo tomorrow. Balik na sila ng Dubai. Tuwang-tuwa talaga ako nung bonding namin nung Saturday. Haha. We talked about explicit stuff and all that shit. Kinuha ko na din pala yung Deathly Hallows ko na nireserve sa school. Meron din akong free HBP. I plan to sell it. Wahaha~!

Left Frustrated

2007-07-21T01:32:00.000+08:00

Mood: frustrated
Listening to: Sunsets and Car Crashes - The Spill Canvas

~
"I'm busy!" says the invisibly plastered Post it on my forehead. I am the model of all frustrations at the moment. I need to let the world concentrate on me for once at this very moment. For one whole week, I have been constantly going home late because of my 'Tungkulin bilang Patnugot ng Sining' and my duties as a student. I am tired. But I am all the more frustrated.

Did you know that I am missing dinner with my family?
Did you know that I am on the brink of failing two of my majors?
Did you know that I am completely bothered that Section B isn't eye-catching for this month's issue?
Did you know that I am greatly affected with the output of the July issue?

A while ago, while sitting on the floor at Lola's house, I was just near to tears. You know why? I missed the family inuman. I missed the ultimate bonding session of the Zabat's. I missed the kantahan, the cocktails, the beers, the cheers and just about everything. I pictured the moment I step into the house, my mom and dad will be disappointed. But when I came home, my mom asked me, "Nakakain ka na?" I swear I nearly cried at that time. Too much of the drama. That's just how I felt.

Starting on Monday, I'm going to take a few steps back. I don't want to spend all of my time in the office. I'm just frustrated din. I don't want to see the newspaper just like Nica. Haayyy..

Thanks to Karla for bringing me home safe. I love you, dear. :)

Conflicting Ideas

2007-07-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

Mood: groggy
Listening to: Kundiman - Silent Sanctuary

~
I'm happy with my layout artists. That settles it. Somehow, I felt good about doing less and focusing on just Section A. Of course, there are stuffs to edit but nonetheless, it was still good that they did impress the Section B editors and the Top 3. Thank you, Lord.

Even if we're just three layout artists in the pub, it's still fine. I actually am satisfied with this set-up. Oo, we're only few but I think this just lessens the conflict. Ewan ko. This is how I see it, eh. Although, I will miss Section B for quite sometime. Anyway, isn't it weird that most girls are into layout stuff? Hahaha, la lang.

Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts..Too much of it~! Conflicts with schedule. Conflicts with the other pub because of article shits. Conflicts with other people's ideas. Conflicts with the higher ups. Pucha naman~! I hate this. This problem has been going on for quite some time now. More bullshit along the way.

I'm just asking for two pages. We deliver news. We deliver what the La Sallian people should know about. Eto na nga. Given this situation, I'm just asking for two pages just for this month. That's what the other editors are asking. I can't have Section B finished with it being superrrr text heavy and cramped. I can't even place my staff's drawing in the sheets. All I get for this is a "hindi p'wede kasi hindi normal na ginagawa ng Section B yun?" Pucha naman~!

The Test of Time

2007-07-16T22:01:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: This Broken Heart - Something Corporate

~
Happy Birthday, Yana~!!

Yesterday, we went to Pansol to celebrate Yana's birthday. It was a family thing. I love it~! Somehow, I missed this set-up. Honestly, them leaving the Philippines 6 years ago was really something of a process. The nine of us are really that bonded. Even if we were separated by our schools and homes (for Clo, Abby, Paula and Ate Det) we have somehow formed deep friendship.

We haven't talked for the longest time and somehow I'm enjoying every bit of their stay in the Philippines. I wished they just didn't migrate. But somehow, this separation-thing that's standing before us is a test. For like a week, we have updated ourselves with what's going on in their side of the world and with our's. I've come to know of Tina's then-boyfriend, Caleb. I found out that Jobo and Yana are big Potheads. It's great that way. Haha, we, three are actually excited for the last book.

Yesterday was a great way for me to unwind. Somehow I forgot about my work and homeworks. It's refreshing that way because I really have this tendency to take everything seriously. It makes me forget that I have to somehow enjoy what I'm doing. Stress fest sucks. And now that I'm back in my world, I have to tend to editor and layout duties.

May family inuman on Friday. I love it~!!!

Happy Birthday, Dad~!

2007-07-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

Mood: fine
Listening to: Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera

~
It's my Dad's birthday today~! We have a lot of July celebrants in the family. On Monday, it will be Yana's birthday. :)

Surprisingly, I went home really early. And when I say early, it's 6 o'clock in the evening early. You see, I go home everyday at around 7 to 8. Wala lang. I just enjoyed the tambays. LOL

Anyway, my mom told me to come home early because we will eat out for Dad's birthday. And so I did go home early. I actually had no idea what to give my Dad. Well, he has a lot of shirts, technological stuffs (eg. gadgets that you want), a very good stereo in his car and all that. Of course, he has his family which makes it all good. :D So I thought of one thing that I know wasn't really that present for the last 17 years that I was around. I bought him a cake.

I brought home a Choco Mocha Crunch. It was the only thing that looked pretty good and I know we haven't tried it yet. I bought the cake at Glorietta and had it not been for that cake, I wouldn't see Victor Basa~!!! He looked sooooo greattttt. Hahaha~! I love it. My cousins and sister were envious of me. They fancy that bloke.

We ate at Brazil Brazil in Serendra. I love High Street very much. I love it that something that reminds me a piece of California is near my house. I'm definitely buying a condo in Global City. I actually wanted to work at Gymboree in Serendra. It's near. It's near.

My Dad loved the cake when we all went to Lola's for coffee. We sang him a Happy Birthday. Everyone was just there. And I hope my Dad was really happy today.

I have no pictures. Sira nga kasi yung Sony ko. Most are with Tina (my cousin) and Tito Gerry.
--
Sib: "Sama ka nood tayo Transformers."
Me: "Oh, I can't. It's my Dad's Birthday."

Tangina wrong timing nabuko naman. Tangina parin.

Supposedly

2007-07-10T12:58:00.000+08:00

Liberation is pure joy.

I'm single, therefore I think.

Grandfather Tales

2007-07-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

Mood: chipper
Listening to: nothing

~
Today is my Lolo Ben's birthday. Though he's already 78, he still looked someone who is in his late 50s. It's also my relatives from Dubai's first weekend here.

My grandmother prepared a number of dishes for lolo's celebration. I just enjoyed everything my grandmother cooks for us.

I used to hate my grandfather when I was younger. Honestly, I hated how he talked before. His low voice and aggressive appearance just made me fear him in a way. I get embarrassed when he answers the phone when my classmates call because he appeared to be Mr. Terror. I never inserted the fact that he was a military man. That despite being a Col. General, I just thought that that's the way he really is when I was younger. I never understood discipline goes with being part of the military. When I grew up I understood why he was that kind of person.

I love it that my grandfather is the military man of the family. He just imparts a lot of this discipline thing for us that made me comply. Apart from that, I do not believe that he is just full of this seriousness as part of the package of being in the AFP. If you knew my grandfather, you would just adore him because he is the corniest person in the world. I think I got those corny humor genes from him that my cousins and sister are usually annoyed at.

Lolo Ben has always been there to support me. He was always there to cheer me on with the decisions that I make. I felt how proud he was that he has a grand daughter who was a dean's lister. He was the first person to approve of the course I took in La Salle. He said that people need me. I am part of what the Philippines will be needing in the future. He said that being a teacher is a noble job. And with that, I felt that my decision in pursuing Early Childhood Education was a good thing because someone in my family believed that what I'm pursuing is not just for my own sake. It's not that my parent's never or didn't show any support for me in taking up ECED, but I think they're still ambiguous of the fact that I took something that they never expected of me. I think it still surprised them that I took up Education rather than Economics which I was fond of in my senior year in high school.

When my family left for Florida last March, the announcement of the new section editors for Plaridel was nearing. When the day finally came, my grandfather was the first to know about me getting the position of Sining Editor. He said that it was good that I won and he made me feel that I really did deserve it. He advised me to not forget about my studies but be better with being an editor. I hold my grandfather really special to me because he supports me like my parents do. He doesn't question my decisions instead he helps me. I appreciate the fact that he's there to share everybody's triumph.

I love my Lolo Ben. My misconceptions of him when I was younger are nothing but a faint memory. Thank you, Lolo, for supporting me! Happy Birthday!

Lucky 7

2007-07-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

Mood: happy
Listening to: What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

~
The Archers in their very first game for Season 70, won~! I'm so happy that I've experienced watching a game officially as a La Sallian. I love it~! Cheering for our team was just great and you could feel the crowd's excitement.

From Upper Box B to Patron was great (in a way). A closer view of the games was something. Although, it was tad boring down there, my 50 bucks is still sulit for my Upper Box B. Katie's dad had us watch the game at the "boring"box. We went up after the third quarter. I'm excited for the DLSU vs ADMU game! I can't wait for July 26~!

Today was really a long day. First, I attended the SPO Orientation for all the publications in DLSU. They invited a speaker for a small talk about the publications. I was really inspired by that speaker about everybody in the SPO being a family and all that. So far, I think that's gonna happen. The history of The La Sallian and Ang Pahayagang Plaridel really did intrigue me. I wanted to know more! A few things that Sir Lakan said this morning:

"Kung gusto mo lang mag pa-cute, hindi ka nararapat sumali sa publikasyon."

"Dapat ang The La Sallian at Ang Pahayagang Plaridel nagtutulungan 'yan."

And would you believe that our Press IDs can be used as our pass to get inside the school if we left our school IDs at home? And did you know that kinatakutan ang TLS at APP in the 90s? And did you know that a lot of people didn't have that much trust in Green and White because of petty corruption? I was so amazed with what I've found out today! He was really good! I really admire him. He was also Plaridel's adviser back then.

My relatives from Dubai just arrived in the Philippines yesterday. I missed them!! My lolo's birthday is tomorrow and my dad's will be on the 12th. I haven't thought of anything yet to give them. Sucks.

No pressures but if ever that I'll have a boyfriend, gusto ko next year na! Shiat. You know why? Kasi gusto ko sa July 07, 2007 (kasabay ng Harry Potter Book 7 release - ata) maging kami. Bakit ulit? Kasi I love the number seven. 07.07.07. Sweet.

Unfortunately, it didn't happen. It wasn't the time yet, I guess. But what the heck? I'm in some ways happy where I am right now.

She's Got Soul, I Got Aguilera

2007-07-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

OMG! Christina Aguilera is sooooooo amazing~!! She's got talent and is sooo incomparable to Britney Spears! When she got up on the stage and let out her first note for Ain't No Other Man, I was stunned! Walang sablay! I loved her ever since I was in my tweenies. The next time I see her on tour, I'd be in the VIP section. I soooo badly want to see her up close!

She sang few songs from her previous albums and reinvented them in a way. I loved it. But what I lover more were the last two songs she sang: Beautiful and Fighter. It was really powerful! I just can't help but sing-a-long and dance~! She was soo hot when she sang Lady Marmalade and Dirrrty on that carousel. Rawr.

Note to self: Do not surround yourself with people who are a bunch of kill joys!!!

Note to other concert goers: Don't spoil our fun by being boring and just take pictures of whoever it is that's gonna play because heck, I know I didn't pay just to take pictures of them performers!

PS: My photos weren't that good. I had a lot of sayang shots. Damn, that was the only time I wished I wasn't small.

SpEd

2007-07-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: 3x5 - John Mayer

~
Yesterday, half of my groupmates and I went to Stepping Stone for our ECEDSPD observation. It was my second time to go there and this time, class observation na yung ginawa namin.

I find the school just right for the number of students they cater. Actually, their number isn't that many so the place was okay naman. I actually got the chance to see Hans again for the second time. Although, I didn't really know that it was his name the first time I was there. He was really cute and I so love his smile.

This goes out to all those who think that Special Children you call Mongoloids are abnormal looking. I, for one, didn't think that way of Hans! Not everyone who is exceptional or special looks just like those you see on TV! And labeling them Mongoloid, abnormal and anything synonymous to that is wrong. I admit that I called them as such when I was younger, but now I am guilty I did. They shouldn't be called that way.

I remembered that my cousin, sister and I had an argument about this. They called a special child retarded. Knowing that it wasn't right courtesy of my SPED, objected. I told them that it wasn't right to call them that way because they would develop this thinking that they are retarded children and not children with (mental) retardation. There's a difference there. My sister, surprisingly, even said that "mas maganda pa nga pag retarded lang, eh." Grabe! I didn't expect that from her.

With the subject of labeling, I was also surprised that the teachers would actually point one by one what cases each child has. From the Early Intervention class, they just specified what cases in that class has. The teachers never said that Hans had this and blah blah blah. But the teacher from the preparatory class pointed at each student and said, "Mental Retardation, Cerebral Palsy, ADHD, Autism." I just kept quiet but thought how long he was in the service. Haha. Yun pa ang naisip ko.

I missed my first ever pep rally for Grams and Plaridel General Assembly. (Pictures are at my Multiply) We ate at Grams, Rockwell before going to school and went to our GA. Okay lang naman that I missed it. As if I'm missing the game on Saturday.

Oo nga pala, aside from that, I had my section meeting din. I treated my staff some pizza from Pizza Hut. Tangina lang ng isa. Tangina talaga. Sorry walang coke at sorry hindi siya veggies. Tangina nalang.

No Peace?

2007-07-04T00:48:00.000+08:00

Mood: pissed off
Listening to: Rehab - Amy Winehouse

~
I am not at all amused with what is happening at the moment. Sure, go ahead. Judge me. Tell me I'm a bitch. Tell your boyfriend stuffs that you wanted me to be just so you could affirm your thoughts. Tama na, please? How long do we have to keep this situation up? I'm fed up with it!

You guys are nearly 2 years for crying out loud~! What do you think of me? The holocaust?? I have been quiet for too long. I kept my distance. The last thing that's on my mind is to break up something that's so precious for Mike.

Somehow, I just want to know how this all went up. I mean, hello? Midyear? Pictures? What's with the pictures that made you mad? Are they reasons to make you mad enough when no such malice are apparent in those photos? Or you just can't help it that I'm that close to your boyfie? Sorry. This irrationality has to stop. I want everyone to be at peace. I want us to be friends. I hope it's something possible. It's his wish anyway.

Equivocal Much

2007-07-02T09:29:00.000+08:00

Mood: blah
Listening to: The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand

~
I don't know shit about you but this is a proven fact: Happiness doesn't last.

Will edit/add later.

[[Add-ons]]

What does the first part of this post imply? Well, chicken shit your ass. I just hated the fact that sometimes signs are equivocal. Being misled is the worst thing to ever come to me. I hate that kind of feeling. I think I less deserved that at this time where things are just dandy. I hate how boys act that way.

I hate it that I can never ever feel bliss when I see him. No more sheer joy. This is reality talking and stabbing you in your heart. For Pete's sake! Mind over matter! This was what I was thinking of since Friday: I hate my head for letting me think that way but I hate my heart the most because it wants me to feel this way. You don't get it do you? It's discombobulating. I get that most of the time. Shit talaga!

To The One Above: Why?! It's so hard this way! I am being dramatic and I hate being dramatic! I thought I've retired and moved on with that phase-shit. I am still waiting for that something good to happen. Does it really have to come in 5 years?

--
I have been getting a lot of favors today. It's not that I am complaining I feel flattered pa nga, eh. People love me and my talent. That's just something that made me happy today. Regardless of the stress, it is still fine. Oo nga pala, I loved it that Kaye loved my message and saved it that night where we were talking about falling shit.

This is getting mixed up. Just read through it.

Uhm, I just hated ENGLRES. I hate ENGLRES! I hate ENGLRES! I hate ENGLRES! I hate ENGLRES! I hate ENGLRES! Eventually, you will find out why. I will update because the mere fact that I will write it down here, I will just fill you in with the drill of reading: "Tangina" "Holy shit" "Fuck him" and "Go to hell"

I am not going to Mel Levine's seminar tomorrow. Bullshit. I wanted to go. Katie and I wanted to go but as fate puts it: "Tangina mo, 'wag ka na."

I guess there will be something tomorrow. I don't want to expect much. Mind, get over it.

2007-06-27T21:26:00.000+08:00

Mood: ecstatic
Listening to: watching E! News

~
"I'm happy that you're happy." a very good friend of mine, said that to me while we were both chatting online. Yes, I am in that state of bliss that I have never experienced in the longest time. I smile instantly just seeing him. I get this "kilig" thing while I tell stories or instances where I am with him. I can actually say that this month has been really a blast! Minus all those frustrations and disappointments that I felt, this month is just different. Everything I ever assumed before with all the negativity I had are just turning into something great.

I love it. See you tomorrow! :)

Random Shot

2007-06-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

Mood: giddy
Listening to: Last Night - P. Diddy ft. Keisha Coles

~

LJ: Tina, para saang susi yang suot mo? (referring to my necklace)
Tina: Susi para sa puso ko.
Kaye and LJ: Woah~!

Haha! That was the corniest thing I've said today. It's like really woah~! Haha!

Today was the Newbie Orientation in Plaridel. I was late (intentional) because of specific reasons such as _________________________. Anyway, I was so happy to see my babies! Raisa, Bea, Kenwin, Kat, and Krizza!! It's too bad that Zelda and Sam weren't able to make it but hopefully, we'll be complete for our section meeting next month. :)

So yeah, even if we didn't win the cheering competition awhile ago, we'll still kick ass as Pinakamahusay na Seksyon. Hopefully, that will happen maybe this month or next month. Haha!

The June issue of Plaridel is out. I'm proud of it especially the Isports page which I have been given lots of praises. It felt good that way but fuck Rapids. If you will see the issue you will know.

Our practice for the variety show resumed today. Ang hirap sumayaw sa rocky road. Haha. Pero okay lang din. Mares had the urge to smoke while little me had the urge to drink. That was like my number one craving since 10fuckingyearsago. Punyetang pagkakataon. Basta, iinom din ako ng Vodka, Redhorse, SanMig, Margarita, at kung ano pang pwede makagasgas sa liver ko~!!

LIVER cleaned since June 10, 2007.
LUNGS cleaned since May 19, 2007.

I care for my lungs. Liver sige lang. J/K.

I posted something in my LJ. You should visit it. Well, if you wanna. It's my ultimate shocker for the week. Tanginang linggong ito~! Binibigla ako. Shet! It's untitled. Click here.

Bukas aalis na si Lady Fatima sa bahay. It's a yearly religious thing by our community that she travels house to house and the family prays the rosary while it's in the house. For once in my entire life living in Consular Area, it felt like as if Mother Mary was there to give me luck and guidance. I speak no shit here but with her being in the house for a week felt differently. Sincerity present, I love you not just for the luck but for everything else together with your Son.

I miss you, your family, your friends and your lovers. We will taste each other senseless soon.

My Best Week Since Forever

2007-06-22T21:02:00.000+08:00

Mood: blissful
Listening to: cousin, Freddie (on Freddie, ETC)

~
This week is the greatest week since depression every existed in my world. I loved my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (which is today!). A lot of things has happened since Saturday last week and even there were a few frustrating points that happened this week, it was still different for me.

We had dance practice for the SPS Variety Show next Wednesday. Our music is Smack That by Akon. Kaye taught us the dance and I remembered it was like the same thing that Kaye and the others danced last year. Anyway, I hate breaking my own promises. I promised not to cut and yet I cut another class again. It sucks that much that my spare time gets all used up by extra currs, but I just have to deal with it since this is what I had decided to put myself in.

I missed the chance to see my friends last U-break because I had to finish the layout. They were at House Blends pa naman and I wanted a shake. Oh well, I told Pau that I'll make bawi next time.

What else? Hmm..Crush moments? Marami masyado and my LJ is loaded with it. But it was set to a "Just Me" setting. So ako lang talaga. Bwahahaha!

Orientation ng newbies bukas. Tulog na ako. I have to do stuff in the morning pa.

Here's A Slice

2007-06-16T12:10:00.000+08:00

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: none

~
*yawns*

I dropped by a friend's blog last night.
Would it hurt to check how things were going on their side of the world?
I didn't miss 'em.
I was staring blank on the page.
Some stayed. Some left.
I left.
And it was as if I really found that hole to just get out.
It came at the right time, I guess.
I suck.

I haven't talked to some in the longest time.
I just thought that if I would see them I might be able to
"rekindle" that lost friendship.
Labeling sucks.
Lost friendship.

Whatever.

~
PlarideL people are coming here later for our layout. The house is fixed already.

Today's Whacked!

2007-06-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: Wendy-bitch and Ugly Bruce arguing. I love ignorant people fighting.

~
These people living in this Kuya's house are a total bore. Simple arguement gets boring. Guys getting sent to the hospital for like so many times. Can you ever believe that I'm watching this shit? It almost looks like a quarantine center for them like they have a virus or something. In a way, you'd really want to know what's the next stupid move they'd do other than make pa-cute, bitch on things, and cheat on National TV for more air-time. Other than being the jologs that I am, I just watch Kapamilya Prime Time shows because there's nothing good on cable and Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 is just one of them.

~
Interviewing and checking test papers is just really THAT crazy. Of course, you want someone to find the competitive, confident, responsible plus fun person who could take on anything in Plaridel. So far, I have five in mind. Only one slot left. And totally not accepting that girl. Well, my applicants are all girls and only one guy dared although he's not gonna make the cut.
~
I got a wound just tonight. It came from Brad. We were playing and I when I was on the floor and not moving, I just felt him jump on my back. Geez. I just realized I had a wound after returning him to his cage. It just stinged sooooo bad. It really hurts. But it's okay now.

Haayy, I just don't like it that my legs get wounded. It's bad enough I have big legs (which runs in the family), the last thing I wanted to have is having wounds and scars. Well, it already happened and what else can I do?
~

Anyway, I missed another drinking session. I didn't want my parents to worry again because I'm not texting them. And I would also save myself from suspicions of drinking because I found out that I turn red when I drink. Isn't it like weird that I just found out now? Or that just happens when I'm stressed? Hmm..

A few scenes in the office:
1. Fabian, the retrato applicant, for his talent sang this song that his band originally composed. I forgot the title but his message before he sang was:

"Para 'toh sa mga torpe. Sino ba mga torpe dito?"
(I raised my hand, teasing in the background)
Kung may crush kayo, kausapin niyo lang.

These people don't know haha. It's funny. Hmm. Well, they thought I wanted to talk to that member who they think is still my crush. But no. I don't like him anymore. I'm into someone new and I love it that way that nobody knows but my bestfriend and friends. I was on my way to approach him to dare myself but still - no. Torpe nga diba?

2. It's in the cards. I don't like to take the hulaan seriously but in some weird way it's coincidentally true. How pathetic of me but since I'm that shallow it's cool. Hahahahahaha!
I wrote once that the guy I like now, has a crush on me. Now here's the thing:

Maybe he likes me. He likes a lot of girls. Geez.
And I asked if we will get close. We will. As in we really will.
The last question was, who will make the first move...And it's still me.
DAMN IT!!
Why should I always make the first move? I always make the first move!
Tama na~! Hahahaha

I Want A Photo Blog Post

2007-06-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

{Disclaimer: All photos are taken by this girl who's typing this shit up. Nikon D50 is the love. My Sony Cam is on the brink of retiring it's ass off.}

YUM, TILAPIA. Tired from his usual dog food, Brad laid his eyes on this Tilapia served on the dining table while his owners were eating.

BLISS. Cupcakes by Sonja are the best cupcakes that ever existed
on this planet. It's sinfully good.

LAST TWO STANDING...FOR A SECOND. Last two Berries
and Cream were left from the six we ordered. It's always bad
that it gets eaten that quick.

SERIES. My sister's a fan of series such as Eion Colfer's
Artemis Fowl and Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.
I read 'em, too. I love books.

THIN AND THICK. As long as the plot's good and keeps
me and my sister interested, they're all kept in the
headboard. Good reads.

INFRARED. Can you still see my sister, Amanda? Haha.
It's us in the car on our way to Serendra.

ALOHA. Polu Kai is love. I love the ambience of the restaurant.
I love the aquarium so much~!

PIGTAILS. Fooling around in ECEDSPD is disrespectful.
Who cares? We're that bad. Don't pity me.
I know you won't.

TWINS. Rizza's like my twin. Both Saggis and we have
common interests like boys, parties, boys, parties..Haha!

That's all. Just wanted to share those.

ECEDMAPPPP=Fun

2007-06-14T00:39:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired, as eff
Listening to: The Walk - Imogen Heap

~
ECEDMAP is just so fun~! For today's activity, each group was assigned to do something based on the theme that teacher Claudette gave us. I was actually late for class but I was just in time to do the activity.

For our group, we were assigned to do a 'This is me' activity. It's where we use different colored papers and cut them out imperfectly. I did mine with a pink hair since I did want to have my whole hair pink but I don't think that would ever suit me. Highlights are just fine. Anyway, we had to do it just like how four and five year olds would do the activity.

I'm thrilled that I did this. ECEDMAP is just different from all the majors that I'm currently taking this term. It's the only major I look forward to attending my class. ECEDSPD is the worst thing. I'm interested with it because I wanted to take that up in the near future for my masters. But then, it's Dr. Lil and she doesn't hold much of my interest.

I missed talking about enjoying what I do in my course~! I remember first term and second term and not much tampered with the busyness of my third term, partying, Plaridel, and shit. I love my course, Early Childhood Education. Teaching minds. Transforming Hearts. Touching Lives.

Time flies so fast. It's already Thursday and it's like, woah~! I've been pretty much busy with Plaridel since Tuesday. No. Sunday. I've been interviewing and checking papers and I've been pretty much irresponsible with how I manage my time. I promise myself that come next week, I won't cut a single class. No broken promises here.

My groupmates and I after packing up in ECEDMAP.

Moi. Proud of what I made

Column Shit and FILKOMU

2007-06-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

Mood: cranky
Listening to: Umbrella - Rihanna (Major LSS)

~
Ugh, Umbrella. Why are you effin' stuck in my head? I just finished bleaching my hair. Nasama nanaman yung hair na hindi dapat kasama. Bukas ng umaga, yung hair ko naman sa likod i-ddye ko na ng black. Panget na kasi tignan at baka i-try ko lang naman na mag ka blonde streaks tomorrow sa school at tska ko na siya kukulayan ng pink ulit. Wala lang. Hindi lang talaga ako kunteto sa buhok ko gusto ko palaging may bago. Mag papa hot oil ako sometime this week. My hair needs to be refreshed!

Stressed din ako with this column shit thing. May nagawa na ako but I don't know how to end it in the most proper way. I ditched other thoughts pero I'm concentrating with my main topic: Fathers. My ghed~! Hindi ko magawa yung FILKOMU ko dahil bothered talaga ako dito at deadline na ito bukas. Masyadong na left open yung column ko for weeks already. BS talaga!

I interviewed Sam and Zelda today. Looks like they will be receiving a text message from me this Friday. More hints nga naman. Basta they're my unofficial daughters. I have yet to find out what the other applicants has got to offer for Plaridel. No bias but they're just reserved for the mean time. I love Sam~!! Shit, no bias nga, eh.

"Kung i-bleach ko ba buong hair ko bagay?" God, idiotic question nga naman.

Shit din yung pag-iisip ng column name dahil kung kailan may naisip ka na, may nakakuha na pala nun pero sa ibang henerasyon naman ng Plaridel. Kawawa naman ako. My creative juices in coming up with names just slimmed since 2005. Joke lang. Wala na talaga akong maisip dahil puro English naiisip ko. Shit talaga.

I hate my TH sched so much I wish it didn't exist at all. And I should be finishing my column now so I could start with FILKOMU. Tanginang column, 'to~! At hindi ko pa tapos ang Section B dahil lang sa kulang pa ang articles kung sana lang nagawa na ito nung Sabado. Kung sana lang talaga. Haayyy.

Happy Independence Day~! Libre sakay sa MRT at LRT di ko sinakyan. I don't like the MRT and LRT crowd when you attach libre to it. Diva.

Layout Blues

2007-06-11T13:16:00.000+08:00

Mood: swayed
Listening to: no music, just watching a rerun of One Tree Hill's episode 17 on ETC.

~
The real serious stuff begins. I am currently doing Section B of Plaridel's layout as of the moment. I'm coloring the dibuhos to somehow add a something-something to Section B even if it's in black and white. I'm down to two more. I'm actually having a problem with the other drawing. Dear God, just help me fix it~!

My back is aching really bad. I'm not using my desktop computer instead, I'm using my laptop. (And yes, I'd love to call it my laptop because it will be mine soon.) I'm currently multi-tasking.

Anyway, we were supposed to have our layout last Saturday at EGI. Rapids transferred us - thank, God! It was just hell in Burgundy because of its little space. Anyway, a few of the stuff that happened that time were:

1. Marlon and I assembled the aircon. Damn it for being heavy! We were supposed to have our column pics taken that night but we looked effing wasted.
2. I thought I quit drinking but I eventually drank Vodka bought at Karla's mini mart. And eventually turning red minutes later, according to Peter and Del. When I get stressed, I turn to a vice. (Which is really bad.)
3. I got pissed because I was in that mood to make a layout for Section B but fate made things futile. I hate you.
4. I missed a drinking session. Fuck it.
5. Condo hopping at 3am in the morning.
6. Experiencing a black out in Burgundy.
7. Spaghetti and coke, ooohhhlala

The recruitment exams are finished. There's going to be a special exam on Wednesday and on Thrusday. I'm going to interview people tomorrow. First batch: Sam Tiu and Zelda Palleon.
Sana maka-recruit din ng layout artist. *prays*

I slept for like the whole of Sunday yesterday. I was kind of being anti-social yesterday like I didn't want to talk and I just received comments such as bangag. Dad just got back from Bohol last Saturday. I didn't leave the house until I saw him. Anyway, goodbye. Better finish Section B now.

Overdue Post By Moi

2007-06-10T13:03:00.000+08:00

[Disclaimer: This was supposed to be posted last June 7, 2007 but because of certain technicalities in A1706, it wasn't posted. Fuck slow internet connections.]
---
Mood: sleepy
Listening to: like I'd really want to listen to my prof

~
Internet sucks at home. I asked my grandfather to pay the bills for Smart Bro today because my schedule isn't that very good especially with my TH.

Commercial: My prof just praised my work. Hahaha. We're working on Flash right now and I'm racking up my brain of Nickelodeon characters that I can animate using Flash. I love Nick cartoons <3>It's fun what praise can do to you. I mean, with it, I get motivated enough. I love it. Yesterday, my ENGLRES teacher told me and my partner that he loved all our topics. We have Computer Addiction, Homeschooling in the Philippines and Promoting Literacy at School and Home. I find it nice that my partner has an interest for Education since he's from CCS. He actually told me that he wanted to teach, haha! This is the third time that I've talked to someone from the College of Computer Studies who has this thing for teaching. I wish they would shift or have a double major, or switch to ICTM or something because this country needs teachers~!

Last night, while doing my EDUTEC2 homework, my mom spotted me making the Cosmo (from Fairly Odd Parents) Flash thing. She was impressed and really repeatedly asked me if I did it with the background. And then I said yes, so many times! Haha. She then said, "You'll make a good teacher, anak." It was really something. And I felt so good about it. My mom has always wanted me to be a doctor and for like the first time, I felt that she really wanted this teaching going on for me. I love it!

I have to go now, my class has just ended! Might edit this one up probably when our Internet's working and shit.

It's not as good as I wanted it to be. Shit. I need to practice Flash again.

The Most Boring Post

2007-06-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: Hey Girl - Dashboard Confessional

~
[Author's Note: Long post ahead. Don't read if you're not prepared for a bore.]

I haven't had a decent sleep. I am awake for 24 hours already. And as of the moment, I am not yet sleepy. Could this be anymore weird or am I just really turning into an insomniac? Work has been driving me crazy and my academics aren't even inside that bracket yet. How I wish I could just balance everything especially my time.

I don't know about you but I think time has it's way of fucking me up completely. I think this computer just wants to melt away, too so he helps time fuck me up more. I am really tired and yet I don't feel any hint of being sleepy. I have pimples sprouting in my face from lack of sleep since last week. School has just started and yet I've tons of work to do. I have to set my priorities straight (for real) from now on and it's not going to be extracurriculars most of the time. I have nearly cut another class again today. I actually intended to cut KASPIL1 because today until Friday is the SPO Recruitment Week. Logic?

But besides that, I am happy that for this day, seven have considered to join my section, Sining, in Plaridel. Unbelievably, I sound TLSy (Ma-english) today. I kept speaking in English with LaSallians who are interested to join Plaridel. I think they were weirded out that Marlon and I kept on speaking in English when in fact we're from a Filipino publication. Aside from that, I want to join TLS. Haha. I'm opting for Menagerie. Gusto ko lang ibalik yung feature writing shit thing ko in English. Arte. Mukhang plano ko salihan lahat ng SPO pubs except for Malate. Although I also tried to join, I didn't do it nalang. I have the paintings/artworks/photographs sana but I declined. Ang weird, noh? Feeling ko talaga ang buhay ko ay nasa publication na. Isipin mo, naging religious staffer ako (surprisingly), literary staffer, layout artist na at [medyo] photographer. Kulang pa ako sa news and sports writing pero shet, p'wede na siguro ako maging isang walking newspaper. Complete with layout, photos, news, and features. Wow. Pero s'ympre hindi ko pa plano patayin ang sarili ko. Tska nalang. One interest at a time. My mom wanted me to enroll in a photography school somewhere near this house. I've been using her Nikon D50 for almost a month now. Na-heighten talaga pag ka gusto ko sa photography.

Going back..

I've made tarpaulins, posters, calling cards, and application forms for this recruitment week. Hopefully, by Wednesday I've done something interactive or a movie file in Flash. Mike inspired me to do it today. He thought that the soft copy of the tarp is "clickable." Tomorrow's another day for recruitment and I'm so helpless at the moment. I actually needed to do something for ECEDMAP and yet my brain can't come up with answers. We had a play dough activity last meeting and it was fun. My ECEDLAN's perfect. There were groupings already. Cholo Villanueva is my classmate in both MAP and LAN. It's his fifth year in La Salle and according to him he extended for the UAAP Season (something like that). That's what I heard from him. I don't know, he had quite a soft voice for me to hear that much. He looks like a boy version of somebody I know. It was rude to stare but I had to fully analyze who he really looked like among my friends. Eventually, I found out who but I'm keeping it to myself at the moment. But still, I was being rude.

My Dad's in Bohol right now. He left last Sunday and his tooth was aching daw. My mom and dad didn't get the chance to see each other because my mom arrived from Singapore in the afternoon while my dad left for Bohol in the morning. My mom brought me two pairs of footwear. One from Charles and Keith and my very first Ipanema. I love it! My parents are crazily traveling in and out of the country. My Dad's next trip is in Istanbul and it's Ylmaz country in there. My dad said that they could travel to any part of the world but never America (again). You should know by now why 'coz it's a no brainer. But since you're lame and you can't think quick, it's because of employees who go TNT. I remember this story that my dad told us when they were about to leave for the States here's how it went:

Officemate1: Bakit umiiyak yung asawa ni [insert name of officemate here] eh tatlong linggo lang siya mawawala.

Logic comes in. They found out mag-TTNT nga. I don't want to rant or give any comments to it because right now I'm thinking of my ECEDMAP. I really do sound boring at this moment and wished that I wasn't tired.

I am infuriated with someone right now. I've just recovered from a very demanding editor and now I'm faced with the same shituation but today's story isn't about an editor. I'm inches away from resigning. Guess what org or assembly. Did I gave away too much? Walang kwenta na. I don't like to be directed in that way. Give me a break! You bastardized my work (and a colleagues') already. No more orange. No more partisan. But since you seem to like to put it that way I'm only helping your VP. But yeah, I'm still resigning.

Sisig, you disproved your curse today. I saw my crush and he looked cute. I will soon be making a shirt design with you in it.

Mica, why does he have to be so hot? Why is life so Taft?

It's a success. My own blog post drove me to be sleepy. Hoorah for boring posts~!

Harap ng application form namin. Si Pidel andyan!

The tarp (the very first) I made for Plaridel. Haha 'yan yung
inakala ni Mike na pwede pindutin.

So, matapang ka ba? Sali ka na sa Plaridel!

June First Is..

2007-06-02T02:45:00.000+08:00

Mood: fjsakl
Listening to: Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap

~
Today is the first day of June. For the second time this week, I ended up cutting another class and that's FILKOMU. Thank God for her dismissing the class early. She said she wasn't in the mood to teach because she's sad because her gay friend died. That's what Katie and Rizza told me. Time is really killing me. Why can't one second be a minute in occasions you need it? I so badly want that to happen. I partially don't like this day.

My mom left for Singapore early this morning. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her and give her my take care hug and I'll miss you kiss. I felt bad.

My aunt left for Australia this afternoon. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her and give her my take care hug and I'll miss you kiss. I felt bad.

I sleep late. The effect: I wake up late. Since I take advantage of my 11:40 class, I wake up at around 9 and everybody has left the house already by that time. I go home late. The effect: I am the cause of delay and worry. Geez, why can't the school be near my house? I have this certain itch for commuting nowadays. People in the MRT and LRT just irritates me. I hate it when they stare.

I had dinner with Phoebe, Rizza and Jabin at Jollibee awhile ago. I missed Jollibee~! Too bad they didn't have frost blends I really wanted it. And they also didn't have my peach mango pie. :( We were there for almost an hour (I think). Nakakatuwa din at some point itong araw na ito. Kinausap ko sila Harmony sa may SJ about dun sa K-boy na crush ko. Alam ko na yung full name, nickname, address, cell phone number, landline, birthday, email at kung saan school siya nangaling. It all happened in one sitting. I love LAmb. I will join LAmb with Phoebe!

Yung kanta ay para sa kung sinuman. Hehehe

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you

I still hate you, Sisig!

In Need of Stresstabs

2007-06-01T12:25:00.000+08:00

Mood: still tired..
Listening to: Corrosive - The Summer Obsession

~
I feel so tired. I am really in the state of drowsiness. I just had my dessert at Raps with Karla, Pipo, JC (who left after eating) and Marlon. Ang liit talaga nang oreo cheesecake. Mas maganda at masarap pa sa Mona Risa. Miss ko na ang Mona Risa. Sana kumain kami ulit dun. Anyway, OT ata yun. I am super tired! That's all I have to say.

I am really disappointed that I had to cut EDUTEC2. I was aiming for a perfect attendance in all of my subjects for this term. Will there ever be a term that I won't cut class? It's disappointing talaga. I want a perfect attendance! I so badly want it and yet my katamaran just kicks in and it just happens instantly.

My dad for the very first time dropped me off at Andrew. He usually drops me off at the South Gate. This time, I did not want to walk so I took the opportunity. I am so bad because I had to steal a few minutes for U-Turn from my dad's 9 o'clock meeting at PGH. I have full advantage on this one because my dad's fieldwork is within the Taft Area. This also means that I will never have a problem with hailing for a cab in the mornings and making my supposed time to go to school in maximum delay.

I hate my T-Th. It's the worst thing. I never ever really want to have an 8 am class. But I have no other choice but to take EDUTEC2L91. I was really thinking of taking section L92 pero I considered myself saved. I just saw it in the class roster in our IVLE of that person who's in that section. Tama na :( Pag tinitignan ko kasi may pahiwatig na kung ano. Eh wala na naman.

Speaking of that, I hate you, Sisig! Since I mostly see you everyday, I never ever get the chance to see my newest addition to my crush list. (Parang produkto lang, eh.) It was only that very Wednesday, (meaning yesterday) that I saw him even for a short glimpse at hindi kita nakita. This impends that if I see you, I won't see him. I hate you!

STRESS na 'to. Sobra

My mom's leaving for Singapore tomorrow. She's coming back on Sunday. She asked me what I wanted, I told her to buy me something that looks like Amanda's bag so when I bring my future laptop, I won't have to bring the laptop bag anymore. I asked her to buy me new pairs of pants and shoes. She knows what I like anyway. So I don't need to worry. Haha! She'll be back on Sunday. Malapit na mag America's Next Top Model but I'm still stuck with my other unlovely affair at the moment.

Charly Brown is definitely the new smoking tambayan of the barkada. We love Charly Brown! We promised to try out every dish in that restaurant although it's not the best, we wanted to be loyal. We pwned the smoking area!

My First Section Meeting

2007-05-31T12:00:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: Out of Reach - Funeral For A Friend

~
I had my first ever section meeting for the start of my term as Sining Editor at 5pm in the afternoon. I promised my staff that I will treat them McFloat. Since it's really my number one guilty pleasure and my number one calorie multiplier, I decided that it will be the food or drink that I would bring so we could have a very sweet and meaningful meeting.

Staffers at present throughout the meeting were Maine and Pierre. Rykiel had class while Joel had his tutoring thing. Martin was late but I informed him of a few things what we talked about. Rain was there to document the meeting and Marlon was there to listen. My senyor, Fritz was also there. This is it. My first section meeting and it turned out pretty well. I told them about my SPOA, my staffers were enticed naman. Thank you, Lord! I really do hope we become Pinakamahusay na Seksyon next month.

"At least ngayon may reason ka na para i-text siya." Pierre told me and reminded me once again of that certain Sining member that I had once a crush on. He came back from his LOA and since then, the teasing just went on like crazy! He's now my staffer. This is just too obvious but I feel like not being praning about it. He doesn't know my blog anyway. And if he EVER does find out about this blog, I don't think he will read through all those archives. I don't think he will be a fan of my life.

I have just one problem with this Special Issue thing I have coming out on January or February. I can't think of it materializing!! Shit. Lord, help me more! I am really in need of something creative until November. I plan to start this in November. Don't question me why it's early. As of now, I need to conceptualize more, more, more, more.

We also had our GA a while ago. Late ako as usual and we had to critique our spoof ish, Bulgrrr. Surprisingly, Mike was there. I think it was the first time I've seen him attend our GA. And for the very first time ever, I realized that I love Plaridel as I did back when I was still starting. I remembered my first GA in the La Salle Building. The second one, the top 3 announced I was best kasapi. I love it. I know I hated being a layout artist. I blindly love the pressure. I hate how demanding this job is at the same time. But apart from that, this is the reason I love it. The challenge, the people, and my love for being and supporting the Filipino language.

I have my Sining Exam now. It's for the applicants during our recruitment week. I also have to finish tons of work for this. I really love my Plaridel. I am never thinking of quitting this publication - never again! How can I throw away something that adds more joy to my college life?

You Should Know

2007-05-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

Mood: blahblah
Listening to: Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls

~
1. Whenever Sisig (who is now my former crush) is around, Katie would tap me or would really let me know that he's around. NoooOooo~! Utang na loob! The last thing that I really want to happen is for him to really find out that I used to like him --- a lot.

2. I saw a friend a while ago. My friends and I were at Charly Brown, smoking and talking and then he suddenly appears. I cussed when I saw him 'coz my initial reaction was really of gulat. I never knew I'd see him there. But apart from that, I still am happy 'coz he's studying already.

Walang halong plastik talaga. This is also my sakit. I still find myself concerned with other people who I'm in no contact with. Tried and tested. At least, right? Even if we don't talk, education is a primary concern. Wow, educ na educ na. Pero, really. None of the issues that has happened before flashed back in my mind. Nothing. All I thought of when seeing was, "Putang Ina nag-aaral na siya."

Initial reaction from friends were:
"Punk ba siya?"
"Bakla ba 'yan?"
"Kasya sakin yung pants niya, ha." -Phoebe, referring to his skinny jeans

3. A staffer of mine is coming back to Plaridel. Oh, joy! More artists! More teasing from Mares and the gang.

4. Section meeting tomorrow. The very first section meeting that I will be conducting tomorrow. I'm treating my staff McFloat for motivation! Haha. And we will discuss and I will tell them what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my term.

5. May pahabol pa si Kae: "Batang may boobs!" kanina sa corridor sa 17th. Ayy shet.

6. I've never been commented (well other than my close friends, ehe!) that I look hot in my pictures :P Bernie, thank you! Haha. She said, she liked my ym avatar, my summer multiply headshot, and I forgot the other. I love it! Hahahaha! Since, I'm feeling makapal ang mukha, I will post 'em. Hahahaha!

7. We had a less than 5 minute party at the Plaridel office awhile ago. Since I cannot attend their Greenbelt getaway this Saturday, we spent it there with laser lights. Sosyal and I love it! We have a video of it. Wonder when it will be uploaded by Mares.

8. I am stressed for time. My schedule sucks ass.

This Happened Today

2007-05-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

Mood: amused
Listening to: Bruised - Jack's Mannequin

~
Someone from my school died today. It's sad to hear it especially when that person is just a room away from where you hang out. It was just this afternoon and who would've thought that it could happen like that in a flash?

What really got me with the whole hubba is what Ian told me. Before this guy died, he talked about death with one of his classmates. How was it in the after life? What would be this guy's after life? It's creepy at the same time. It was as if there was a sign. But he could've been saved, though. If it wasn't for the neglect of the clinic staff of my school, he would still be alive. It's just sad that it happened this way.

We went to mass a while ago to pray for his soul. Condolence to his family and friends who loved him most.

-
Apart from the sad thing that happened today. I had a few highlights and lovable facts that I really want to consider. Pagbigyan niyo na ako! Please lang.

-Crush ako ng crush ko.
-Crush ako ng ex-crush ko.
-Maayos naman daw ang partner ko sa ENGLRES. Pero sana hindi lang kami steady lang dahil gusto ko ng kwatro.

<3

Say Chiz! ...Not!

2007-05-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

Mood: full (just ate)
Listening to: Dreaming With A Broken Heart - John Mayer

~
I loved dining in the for adults table. You get to hear everybody's opinion on politics, the weather, Philippines in itself, nostalgic moments in the 70's, whereabouts of your relatives abroad and well, just about everything. Mom, Dad, Tito Gerry, Lolo Ben and Lola, and now Ate Det talk about everything. Me? I just love to hear about everything they talk about because it's well, mature. I love seeing their take on different things and I get to see angles of a certain story and find out for myself if it's factual or plain fiction. This usually happens at lunch or dinner on Saturdays and Sundays. And in these times, I learn a lot.

A few minutes ago, my grandfather said, "Yung nanay ni Escudero (Francis Escudero) kamag-anak natin."

Are you kidding me?!

Who the hell would've thought that we're related to that "Bamboo" look-a-like? It makes me shiver just to hear that! My grandfather was telling everyone at the table how but somehow being at the far end makes it difficult. Shit. This technically means I'm like miles away connected to him. This man that who's all talk and no work is (unfortunately) my uncle. It grosses me out and I don't feel proud of him one bit.

I still have to ask my grand father about this again. Tell me again this isn't true~!

My mom watches everyone's diet in the family especially my Dad's. Since my father had his bypass, what he eats needs to be watched since the wrong food (and too much of it) could endanger him. My mom took one piece of whatever and replaced it with veggies. A few minutes later my dad stopped eating. Guess what my mom did took it's toll on him. He was quiet for most of his stay. This was really unusual of him.

So, there are two things I found out tonight:

1. I am (unbelievably and I still want to confirm this) related to Francis "Say Chiz" Escudero and;
2. My dad and I are really the same when irritated or mad: we just keep quiet.

School Stuff

2007-05-26T10:02:00.000+08:00

Mood: refreshed
Listening to: Do It Alone - Sugarcult

~
We just started school! Today's the third day of the first term (SY 2007-2008) and I'm pretty much contented with my classes although I do get the feeling that in some twisted way my sched's not that convenient for meetings and gimiks. Geez. Anyway, I had my hair cut again for the nth time. I now have shorter bangs and I'm thinking of cutting it again in the following weeks. Can I ever decide what to do with my hair?

So here's what I look like (for the next weeks):

So there. My two floating subjects are with CCS. So obviously, my classes are at Gokongwei. My TH is overloaded with majors. I have EDUTEC2, ECEDLAN, ECEDMAP, and ECEDSPD. I am so glad that Dr. Muñoz is my teacher in ECEDLAN. I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy LAN. :) Second meeting with Mr. Curaming, may long reading na kami. I have to read seven articles. I'll do it over the weekend. Grabe naman.

It was also last Wednesday that Bulgrrr, the spoof issue of Plaridel was released. I had to save myself from the embarrassment because people have been commenting and teasing me about my pose in that spoof issue. Thank God for it's on-time release! I just love it! I am so glad that it came out beautifully. It wasn't still perfect but I was so happy hearing people laugh with what they have read in it. Like for example, these girls at Gypsies, were reading it and I just hear them laugh makes things just soooo rewarding. That's what I wanted in the first place, anyway. To have them read it and enjoy it.

Comments since Day 2:
"Tina, nakita kita sa newspaper niyo. *imitates my pose*
"Teka, ikaw ba yung nasa Bulgrrr?" -Carlo
"Nakita kita sa Bulgrrr, ah. Hahahahahahahahaha"
"Sandali, ikaw yung ganito diba? *imitates my pose*
"Wasus kulasisi daw!"
"Totoo ba 'to?"
"Grabe yung girl dun sa isang page." (pertaining to Del)
"Pa-autograph naman." Weeehh Tae.

Other pics from my first day back in school (for academic purposes :P)

Mica and I at Kenny Rogers.
I miss these bitches!

Mulat
I haven't blogged about Mulat. It was the craziest thing ever! We did sinful acts (stop it you, perv) in just one room and in one night. How could that possibly went? It was really crazy and mostly everyone's in the room. I was doing the layout for Bulgrrr at night 'till the wee hours of the morning.

I met new people from the different publications under SPO. I had fun being a Kahel member. I had fun kasi it was also like bonding time with other Plaridel members. I had fun with the Amazing Race thing that we did. Nag-fade nanaman yung hair color ko. Sadly. Ang panget tignan. Inayos ko na siya ulit. Anyway, what happens in Rm 103, stays in Rm 103 :) Yun lang.

Pics here:

2007-05-20T01:31:00.000+08:00

Someone stole my cell phone.
That fag will pay!

[Updated]

It took me days for me to update this shit. Oh well, following the crazy events that happened to me the past week, I shall now narrate it in my own context of how I have understood things since having my phone stolen.

Yes, my phone got stolen by some fag in RP. I will never forget that transvestite's ugly face. I actually wanted to blog about it (here) since Saturday but I scoffed it off since I'd be really putting stuff here about discriminating gays. I actually did feel that way but what's the point of doing that? Nawala na ang phone ko and I've just had to learn my lesson.

When my phone got stolen, my instant reaction was to panic. I had reasons to panic because I instantly imagined my parents yelling and shit because of being irresponsible and I never asked permission that I had plans to go out after MULAT. The thought of all the pictures and it being my semi diary, my videos, and every memory that it holds are gone. Being the sentimental person that I am, I felt that pain of losing someone very close to me. I was cold inside and panicking was all I could ever feel. So to that son of a bitch who stole my phone and his(?) cohorts, you will have your karma!

Going home was really that great. I have never felt more secure at home. It felt like the city was full of its evils while at home you get the peace that you deserve. My parents never scolded me. They were worried. My dad made me cry that much telling me, "Anak, get over it. It's a good thing walang nangyari sayo." To which my mom said, "It's a learning experience for you. Things like that happen to us kaya next time be more careful." I was relieved to hear those words. I love my parents and it's not because of the fact that they didn't nag but that marked my heart of how much they really care and love me. That despite being the most pasaway in the family, they were still behind me and they care and love me a lot.

I love you Mom and Dad!

2007-05-18T03:46:00.000+08:00

Mood: okay
Listening to: nothing

Happy Birthday to my Mom!!!!
She's the best mom in the world! We greeted her this morning and gave her our present. It was a mobile speaker system for her iPod video and she really loved it! It was good. My dad brought it and had us wrap it just in time for her birthday. I can't believe my mom is already 50 years old!

Before I went to sleep, I got pretty emotional with it. I mean, give me a break! I just realized that time really does fly fast. When people ask what my mom's age is, I would think twice because I'm stuck with her being 41. And that (her age) was like 9 years ago and I was young then when she was at that age and barely out of elementary. I'm so much lucky that I have my mom and I can't believe the rest of us are growing older. But what made me cry more was the love that my dad has for my mother. He just shows it in a lot of ways that the spark still remains in their marriage and relationship.

I am not the type of person that would cringe when my parents would hold hands and be mushy and stuff. I am even happy because we are part of the range of families that are still intact. There is a lot of love in the relationship that they have and...basta! Does someone even get me here? I'm just happy but a little swayed because in a few months I'm gonna be legal which means I'm gonna be older na. I feel like I don't wanna grow old....... >,<

This post is blah. I am leaving in a few minutes for school. I have MULAT it's a seminar for the Editorial Board of the publications under SPO. Pranjetto here I come!

More kwento when I get back from Tanay :)

The Art of Assuming

2007-05-15T01:04:00.000+08:00

Mood: blah
Listening to: Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand

~
It's funny, right? How at one point or how many x, y, z points in our life we assume. I think it's just inevitable. One moment you just thought I'm creating a rumor about you and then the next you think I'm really out here to ruin your life by befriending your friends and your guy. It's crazy! It's disappointing but sometimes you just have to let it go because issues that are associated with that are nothing but complete bull. Assuming may also be the root of our own paranoia. Assuming leads to misconception, misinterpretation and anything synonymous to that. I therefore conclude that assuming can [create or] destroy you, your perception and impression of people and different scenarios that come at hand.

Why so fast with the conclusion? Basically, I've experienced it and I've lived in it's shell for a day, for a minute and for a second. People go on telling that it's making an ass of U and me. Yeah, whatever. Those who even tell stuff like that are the biggest "assumers," if there is such a word, in this world. Yeah, you make a total ass of yourself when you presume and shit. I simply get what other people mean. We live in a world of whacked coincidences. Same shirt, same hairstyle, same bullshit going on in our love lives, work, school and the list goes on and on and on.

For me, assuming is a scum in our living cells and yet, we live in it as fact because it is the only way that we feel guaranteed of an act or of someone be it good or bad just to prove a point. It sucks. And what sucks more is that there are people who provoke others to think that they're the one being talked about. And when all these happens, it becomes chaotic. The other feels burdened while the one has his or her own share of an ego boost. It gets crazy and tangled up. And when confronted or they've heard about the person's feelings, they go on like, "Don't assume and shit." Bullcrap, I say. People who let others presume are cowards because they don't know how to confront the person. I am no saint but I've fallen in to this crap. And by posting this, I've come to realize a lot of what has happen and how this could ruin you and your friendship with everyone. (Yeah, epiphany shit) But I am just sick of these people who are just part of the walking contradiction brigade. Don't suck up on your righteousness, it will eat you up one day.

What To Choose?

2007-05-14T03:11:00.000+08:00

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: Lips Like Morphine - Kill Hannah

~
Vienna or a brand new car???? I am just so confused! I really don't know what to pick here. Come September, I am (supposed to/hopefully) leaving for Vienna, Austria for a two week vacation. I was really thrilled despite the real confusion of going to Italy and blah blah blah. My dad even told me to go on this trip with my mom because he guarantees that it will be fun and the tour will be superb (because it's sponsored by his company)! I was super convinced because he says that even if I cannot go to the US (again for like the second time) to attend Ate Agnes' wedding to Chris, my Vienna vacation is something else. And I agree with my Father because I've been to the US and even if I miss the streets of Chicago, Shedd Aquarium and Bronson, LA, Vienna culture is just too hard to resist. And to top that, Italy is just south of Austria.

So on to the real deal. I am really trying to juggle which should I pick here. The car or the trip? Because each really does have its cons and pros. If my parents will buy me a car, I have the liberty of going home any time when I'm out to party and shit. I also can go out anytime if permitted and wouldn't have the trouble anymore of finding myself a cab (except on a coding day). My trip to Vienna would add up to my amazing adventure to see a different side of the world! I would be able to see a slice of Europe for the first time and to me it is a thrill. But Vienna would also stray me away from *ugh* studies since I'm going there after my term break...*double ugh*

Geez, give me something here that's just good! Damn it!

Anyway, I just came back from my overnight at Burgs. We did a few of the layout for the spoof ish that will come out first day of the term. I'm excited for the front page and well, the whole of it. I just can't rack up my brain for the column shit thing. God, can somebody just give me a good topic coz my first one's just generic, somewhat vague, and shit. Punyeta!!

Oh yes, I love Manila!

And I also found the CD containing our trip to the US!! I love it!

Oo nga pala, Happy Mother's Day (to the mommies)!!!
Happy Mother's Day to my Mom whom I love the most!!
Happy Mother's Day to my grandmother Ning who even if in times I had friction with, still shows that she cares for me!! I love you, Lola! I hope you and Tita Pinky have a safe trip to San Francisco and Virginia!!
Happy Mother's Day to my grandmother Des who manifests her love for my grandfather who is sick right now. Her love for my lolo Piling is really the sweetest for she will travel the streets of LA walking and commuting back and forth just so he could be with him in rehab. I miss you!!

Eleksyon na tomorrow. Sana naman you don't vote Escudero because he looks like effin' Bamboo; Lacson who is evidently corrupt (in mind and in just everything else); Singson who is also corrupt though he is in the TU ticket; Trillianes who obviously cannot do anything for this country; Honasan who I think will set up another coup in due time; Legarda because I've had enough of this political prostitute; Villar who is just completely bullshit just like Pangilinan, Sotto, Oreta, Aquino, and blah blah blah. The others can't do anything to present an alternative for us but I do favor Zubiri. If I'm of legal age, I would vote for Zubiri...just Zubiri. Hopes up for a good and honest? election tomorrow.

What About High School?

2007-05-10T12:22:00.000+08:00

Mood: contemplative
Listening to: Falling Away With You - Muse

~
Unlike most of my batchmates, I'm not one to miss high school that much. I've been reading surveys about their lives in high school and they wrote about how much my batchmates miss high school and blah blah blah. It doesn't mean that I may seem to go against this means I am not grateful for those who have helped in transforming me into the person I am today (partially). Or maybe, you would judge me because I am not one of those who was part of the popular wagon. Whatever.

Back in high school, I was the steady lang girl. A bit loud at times, weirdly quiet most of the time, witty, sarcastic, ironic, underestimated, underachiever, under-appreciated and etc and etc and etc. I don't know where you would classify me but I think there's none to put me up on those emails you receive about classmates. And no, I never suffered identity crisis.

High school was a time where my school fucked my self-esteem most of the time. Awards that prompted me to say that I wish I've gotten (see grad post), recognition for the hard work I've done but of course, they'd still prefer the sipsip girls. Anyone who has a position deserves a spot, as always. I am not an award-hogger. I just wished that for once in my effing high school life, I was appreciated by the Maxima administration. Shirt design pa nga lang na ginawa ko akala nila si Errica na gumawa. Well, you get the picture.

I wasn't popular to the masses. My cousins were. I do not want to make a name by being the crush ng bayan or do mutualism. I do not want to be known for that. I just want these people to realize na hindi lang puro sila. I want them to learn that I have the talent, too, because that's all I could ever contribute to the community. I do not want self-gratification by being popular or by being teacher's enemy number 1. I just want them to recognize that it's not just them who has that talent. I have it, too.

I don't miss high school. I love college!

I had this conversation with Karla regarding this topic. We just felt the same way. High school was a time where you thought that this is the world that you should revolve in. That you build yourself here because you want to have the reputation that you think you can get away in college. This is their safety zone where they can bully you, beat the best out of you, gossip about you, and all that shit. Well, eff that thought. Whatever rep you had in high school, it just stays there, I believe. If you were once a popular kid, you might be lame duck of the season in the next level.

College opened doors for me and for once, the thought of being appreciated kicked in and inspired me to do more because people I work with believe in the talent and the skills that I have. I never did make pasikat like what most would do but it showed me the different opportunities having set foot in college.

Going over this post, I realized how much I was stuck with the thought of appreciation. That I wanted someone to affirm how I work back then. I wanted to steal the scene because I want to take over and let others see the light. They are not the only ones who has the gold. I have it, too. Some people who felt the same way I did would agree with me. In my high school, kung wala kang pangalan... 'wag ka na.

I had fun in high school but I'm having the time of my life here in college.

2007-05-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

"There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere."

Talaga?

Typo Bitch

2007-05-04T12:06:00.000+08:00

Mood: annoyed
Listening to: A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds To Mars

~
Eww, making typos is plain stupid in my part. I was reading a few posts back and I just realized how I can be bobo with my spelling.

Here are the examples of typos I've made in the past:

right (instead of write)
eat (instead of ate)

basta those types wherein you need the past tense or past progressive tense...it sucks! While I was reading it especially the posts I had for March, I had to edit it quickly. Nakakahiya kasi, eh. Hehe. So yun, it's boring actually.

Patched Up

2007-05-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

Mood: pleased
Listening to: Steady As She Goes - The Raconteurs

~
Here are some of the pictures from our stay at our condo in Eastwood:

--
Isn't it heart crushing to find out that your crush hangs out near your place and had a drinking session with your friend? Damn! Or it's just me. Haha. I was just shocked to find out that Sisig was at [Insert name of place here because I'm paranoid like that] with [insert name of friend here because I'm damn paranoid to begin with]. It's just me and no, I'm not making this an issue. I'm just going to smile and think that school is a few days away. I'm going to effin' see him in my effin' school. Parapapapa..

I haven't talked with this friend. I have made a few posts in the past about it. It's about the whole fracas of leadership and lying shit but I've managed to move on with it and bury the hatchet. I couldn't just throw away that friendship that way. I I think that we've been friends for too long and people make mistakes. I should accept it as a fact. I make mistakes, too, and each is something we learn from.

I can't say I miss her as I did before. To be honest, I don't miss anyone from that certain group I had once been in. It's harsh, cruel and shit but this is what I really feel. But it doesn't mean that I do not miss them that I do not care or I am not friends and have forgotten what we've shared in the past. I am not like that. But I think it comes to a time that this really happens. I guess friends would actually feel this way. I guess this just happens because we're all so far away from each other and that maybe we're all too happy with the people we're with everyday. I can say that even for the longest time that I haven't talked to a friend, I would still be there when he or she calls for my help. The least thing I could do for a friend is to let him or her know that I will never leave them hanging in the air. I don't want them to experience what it feels like. I've been there and it's never the prettiest thing.

But anyway, the bottom line is when I talked to her it was just like our usual conversation. Walang nag-bago. Her boyfriend even IM-ed me and asked if I'm not mad at her anymore. I said that it's in the past and I've moved on. Apparently, she cried daw about this whole thing with not making pansin to her. Well, I'm still here like I was before. I guess the conversation proves it.

2007-05-01T02:52:00.000+08:00

I just saw it. 16 people online and I got like a hundred hits in one day.
I wonder what's on my blog or is someone advertising
my blog?
Most of my visitors basing from my IP log are from Europe and US.
And 16 bitches online and not one comment?
It's fine.
Haha, I was just overwhelmed with the visits.
It's like woah!
The last time I checked was 141 now it's 270 and counting.
Thanks for visiting. Comment away if you must.
I'm not putting a tag-board or anything or might.

Shit, it's 3am I'm not yet asleep just to friggin' fixing this
shit.

Cars

2007-04-30T14:20:00.000+08:00

Mood: bored
Listening to: Wounds From A Friend Can Be Trusted - Kaddisfly

~
Yesterday on our way to DLSMC, I pointed out to my mom that I wanted an Audi. Yeah, like the one Jeff has in Chicago. But she laughed out saying, "Never in a million years." Of course, why buy me an Audi? I'm like this effin' young. We passed along a fleet of car outlets such as Porsche, Mazda and Ford. Yes, you're right if you think where we were. We're at EDSA.

My mom, sister and I had this long discussion of what car to buy. She jokingly said that she's thinking of buying me an owner type jeep. I was like, "No way!" But she said, she'd rather have me a car like a CRV or something. But I wanted just a Sentra or maybe a Picanto. Did I spell that right? Oh well, I checked the prices at A1 in Eastwood yesterday. 5 hours for 7k and 15 thousand pesos for 15 hours. It's expensive daw. Hmm, I think I should look into Socialites. I think there's one in Market! Market!.

It's really getting hot here!! I'm mmmmeeeeeeelllllllltttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg!

Yesterday, my cousins and I went to our Eastwood condo. We wanted to swim and have an overnight there. Thankfully, we were all permitted naman. It's nice to get out of the house in during the summer. Ang lamig ng tubig! Ang lamig ng hangin! But it's alright because that's what I wanted. I bought new aviators. It's to compensate for the dekada 70 glasses - the Jackie O's - that I got from my grandmother's baul that got broken (lost screw). I will post pictures tomorrow or maybe later. I'm tamad and I'm going to the air conditioned room. It's hot here in the study! amp

Rigmarole

2007-04-27T19:38:00.000+08:00

Mood: bored to death
Listening to: If You're Lucky No One Will Get Hurt - Daphne Loves Derby

~
It actually rained today. Can you believe it? I just heard something dropping from our roof and voila! Rain! Damn, it just gets hotter everyday in this country. I wish the season ends now so I can go to school. I just miss school so much. *nerdy on the go* Not really for studying shit but more of tambay shit. I cross enrolled for the upcoming term. Yays! My classes are mostly with CCS people and my classes for floating subjects are at Gokongwei.

I just remembered that I will really be going to school for this summer break I have. I have meetings and we will do the layout for the spoof ish coming out at the start of term. I'm excited. We're going to mock [insert name of tabloid here]. I'll show the front page picture of what we'd be doing. I'm actually excited for this spoof issue. I hope it will turn out fine :)

My parents are going to Boracay next Friday. *boo* I thought they'd tag us along but what can Amanda and I do? They'll be back on Sunday, though. I wish there would be more traveling left for my summer but I highly doubt that because I still have Mulat to attend to and the layout for the spoof ish. I'm so dying for another travel. Santugon went to Ilocos last Tuesday. I wonder if Phoebe still went there. Katie didn't. I miss my bitches! I honestly do! I miss the parties, the tambays and the pig-outs. I wish we'd meet up and go to Katie's rest house in Tagaytay. It'd be fun!

I've had enough of venting out shit emotions of frustrations and anger for the past days. I think that it's enough although I'm not yet in the best of terms to face this person. Just seeing her picture makes my blood rush through my head. It ain't pretty that way. I'm missing LSPCON. It's a series of conferences/seminars for the different publications in LaSalle and other schools (I guess). There's a layout seminar on the list but I'm not going. I wonder who took my spot?

This is going to be a long entry. I can tell now since a lot of things has been popping out of my head.

My mom also asked me to get my student driver's license. This gives hints that I'm going to get my own car? That'd be rad. I can't wait if that so ever happens. I wish it would. Is this like some pre-birthday gift? Haha. My birthday's not that soon. Although, last night I had a dream that I was driving my own car. Not that I think of it that much but it just suddenly popped in my dream.

So, I wasn't really able to tell about what happened during the Year-end team building by APP. I had fun although I was really quiet for most of the time. You ask why? A few posts below please. I kept on asking myself for those three days (especially the first day), What am I doing here? It just kept on ringing in my head. A few noticed my quietness and have been asking me if I'm okay. The right response would be: Yes. The real thing is: I don't know if you can call it okay but I somehow feel I'm not. Damn.

I guess the position was meant for me. I got what I want and a space in my heart says, "no." But I've come to think it over and accepted that I should just go with it. In due time, I might find the real answers. I might finally love this job again. I'm hoping that it happens. Oh well, I still have time. No regrets for this one. I got friends to back me up.

The Lubid was fun and challenging. The pageant was fun, although Sining didn't win a thing. Being a VIOLEITOR is definitely fun. The cheering was fun even if it was sabog. The kandila let out a few of my emotions. The lovenotes was also fun. It was packed with games. I'm glad we (Violeitors) were the over-all champs for this year-end! Although Ronco was packed with ghosts, it was one heck of a three day stay! Pics are at my Multiply site.

Marlon and I on the waters of Calatagan.

Me and Mares :)

VIOLEITORS tag-o-war winners~!

Group jump ;D

Effed Up Shit

2007-04-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

Mood: effed
Listening to: Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate - Lost Prophets

~
I came back to Manila from the Plaridel Year-end Team building at Calatagan, Batangas carrying two heavy thoughts with me: 1. I hate the throw back of me working always at the last minute and 2. I'm only continuing to serve this publication because I had to and not because I like it.

Putang ina if you think that what I do is always at the last minute. Putang ina mo dahil hindi mo lang alam ang sakripisyo ko with health, sleep, time for academics, and other shits. Nagkasakit na ako at lahat. Hindi na nga nalagay yung pinaghirapan ko ng tatlong araw tapos ang maririnig ko pa last minute ako kung gumawa? Alam mo ba kung kailan mo ibinigay sakin yung pag gawa ng punyetang special issue na 'yan, ha? Hindi ba mag f-finals week yun? Bakit sa tingin mo hindi ako mag-aaral para lang magawa yang punyetang special issue na 'yan? Tingin mo hindi ko gagawin 'yung mga requirements ko at tanginang proyekto para lang diyan? Hindi ako fully willed to sacrifice yung tanginang academics ko dahil hindi ako pumasok sa kolehiyo para pagsilbihan ka lang! Ang kapal din nang mkuha mo! Sampal sa akin yun nung malaman ko sa iba na last minute ako gumawa. Ang lakas nang loob mo sabihin yan pero kulang ka palagi sa timing!

Una, ibibigay mo sa akin yung layout ng Tuesday lahat na dapat tapos ko the next day. Malalaman ko kulang pa kayo sa artikulo at retrato. Ginawa ko naman nung Holy Week pero pakunti-konti ang pag bibigay sa akin ng artikulo. Ginawa ko naman siya kahit kailangan kong mag-aral. Tapos ako pa last minute kung gumawa ngayon? Tangina talaga!

Aamin ako late ako kung dumating para ayusin yung layout ng special issue pero at least may valid reason ako to be late! Hinahati ko ang pag tapos nang proyekto ko at nang special issue mo. I never jeopardized your fuckin' special issue. Ikaw lang din naman, eh diba? Bakit nung sinabihan mo ako na kailangan matapos yung special issue nung Wednesday, holy week...handa na ako gawin yun ah pero hindi naman nangyari ksi di pa kayo kumpleto. Tapos mag-eemail ka malalaman ko nalang na kulang pa pala kayo sa articles tapos mamadaliin mo pa ako? Tangina mo! Pero kahit ilang beses ko na gusto sadyain na hindi ko nalang gawin kinailangan ko pa din dahil inisip ko din naman yung hirap nung mga staffers mo, ah! Tangina, ikaw din naman dahilan kung bakit 'di ako nakakatulog noon pa, eh. Ginagawa ko yun para lang to live up to your fuckin' expectations for this fuckin' publication. Langya! Pasalamat ka hindi kita inaaway at marunong pa ako magtimpi. Buti sinasabihan ako ng editor ko na magpasensya nalang kahit na minsan gusto na talaga kitang sigawan! Leche! Naiinis talaga ako! Kaya nung year-end ayaw na ayaw kita makita o kahit makatabi man lamang. Inis na inis talaga ako sayo! After all the stress and shit.. Sabagay, ang gratification lang naman na makukuha ko eh yung maprint yung ginawa kong pag "papaganda" ng Section B. Yun lang naman. I'm done with your shit and I'm just so happy that you ain't gonna be the editor of that section next year!

I've decided to stay at Plaridel for reasons besides delikadesa. I am staying because I have a very huge responsibility. I don't want my staffers to see me as a quitter. I don't want to quit because I know that once in my life as a Plaridel staffer, I loved this job. So even if at this moment I hate it, I'm still trying my best to love it like I did before (waayy first term). Second to this, I want to recruit good layout artists with the assurance of not quitting their duties and responsibilities in this organization. I don't want to end up having staffers who would quit because they can't keep up. Ayaw ko malaman they applied just for something they could add up to their resumes. Sometimes kasi wala sa lugar. It's just plain inconsideration. I don't want them to jeopardize this publication. Kaya naman, eh. I would as much as possible motivate them enough. But it's their decision to leave if they ever so meet a very demanding editor. Hopefully, that will not happen.

I'm surely going to fulfill everything that is in my SPOA. I don't want to waste every plan I've got for Plaridel and for my section as well. Come next year, I would try to be stricter. Ayaw ko ng delay, gusto ko on time. Kung ang Inquirer at Philippine Star nakakapag limbag ng dyaryo araw-araw bakit hindi kaya ng Plaridel makarelease on time? Naniniwala ako sa kakayahan namin na magawa ang mga tungkulin bilang isang kasapi ng publikasyon na ito. Kakayanin ko 'to even if I go Hitler up their asses. Let's just implement responsibility here because I am just so willing to change my fuckin' habits of procrastination and cramming shits. I hope this won't be bit to dust come next school year. I am hopeful that I could still do this. I hope I could still hold on despite my fading interest for this.

That Close

2007-04-20T14:33:00.000+08:00

Mood: defeated
Listening to: 112 - Dance With Me

~
I could've done better. I could've payed more attention. I could've exerted more effort. I could've been in the Dean's List for the third term. My GPA is 3.05 enough to get me into the Dean's List but after I found out what my GPA was I felt this sudden urge of regret. I should have listened to my professor or I should have extended my researches I could've gotten a 2 to make me get into the DL. I'm also dismayed because PERSEF1 na nga lang, I got a 3.0. It's so like TREDONE all over again. I got 2.5 last term and it's only fucking TREDONE. My ghed. I should really start over and concentrate with my studies more. If I just had a 2.0...

Anyway, I got good grades naman to boot. I'm proud that I got two 4's. I've been waiting for this moment since the first term. Yays!

Here are my grades :)

FACLERN Facilitating Learning 4.0
FSTUDY2 Field Study 2 4.0
ECEDLOG Logico-Mathematics in ECED 3.5
ECEDSED Social and Emotional Devlopment in ECED 3.5
FWSPORT Fitness and Wellness (Indiv Sport) 3.5
(LASARE1 La Sallian Recollection Passed)
(PERSEF1 Personal Effectiveness 1 3.0)
PTEACH1 Principles of Teaching 1 3.0
SCIENVB Environmental Biology 2.5
STATLIT Statistics Literacy 1.0

See how STATLIT fucked me up. I mean see how I fucked STATLIT up. Damn it. It was just so close. And for the record wala akong 2.0 which made me happier because it means a lot. Haha! Out of all my majors, PTEACH1 (Principles of Teaching) was my only 3.0. I think it's fair enough considering I cut a lot in her class. Haha. And I'm glad I got a 2.5 in SCIENVB (Biology) even if I missed a few papers. I think the portfolio and final exam pulled me up.

I am happy that even if I went solo for our ECEDSED final project I still got a high grade. It was really long and really hard. I got a 96! I was just so happy about it and she commented on the first page that my observation paper was very well written! I'm so happy! It finally paid off! And I never knew I could do something like that without group supervision and shit.

~
It was also a close call. I think I was an inch close for Sisig to know he's my one and only crush. The incident today was like woah! It was because of Rizza. We went to A1010 to get their FACLERN course cards and I was talking to someone. I just completely forgot who because Rizza called me by my whole name. It went like this: "[Insert full name here]! Halika na! This will brighten up your day." When I went inside the room I knew it was him with his friends. Putek! When I got out of the classroom, I found out that sitting on the chairs outside the classroom was one of Sisig's friends. I mean, I got too paranoid and I thought that friend might really assume that what will brighten my day would be Sisig 'coz he's inside the room! And when we also entered the room sakto din when Rizza said this will brighten up your day. Grabe. Pero It was sooooo good to see him!!

~
I went to dinner with Carlo, Katie and Phoebe tonight. We ate at Pola blah blah. It's in Serendra and a Hawaiian restaurant. I forgot the name, eh. Maybe when I ask Carlo he'll remember 'coz he treated us to dinner! Aww, Carlo is just a sweetie especially when it comes to Katie. Hey! That rhymed. Haha. There's something going on between the two, I guess. Katie doesn't share much but I'm hoping to get the juice on this whole thing. Haha! I'm excited, LOL

I have to pack. I'm leaving for Calatagan tomorrow. It's Plaridel's Year-end Team building thing. I have to leave early pa. Dad's not at home he's somewhere in Banawe for the Sagada. GTG.

Your Pretty Section

2007-04-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

Mood: unsatisfied
Listening to: You Only Live Once - The Strokes

~
There's a sudden change in the air. Nobody feels it but me. I am tired. I feel like leaving what I have loved. I feel like I'm better off without it behind my back. I feel like it would be better off without me, too. Entering this publication was something that made me proud of myself and of my parents. It has its pros. It also has its cons. I always speak of this publication as if it's the best thing that happened to me here in college. I enjoy the company. I enjoy the work. But that is not enough. You have to learn how to deal with people. You have to deal with them being demanding. You have to deal with them rolling their eyes at you because you cannot reach their expectations. You have to deal with their insults. You have to deal with people who think that you're just a layout artist and not a student. You have to deal with people who think that you're job is just a stroll in the park.

I say, fuck you all!

Juggling publicity work for my batch, papers for my majors, projects for my floating subjects and this fucking publication is NO picnic. I am not speaking entirely just for myself here because I know that most of my colleagues will say that they, too, have experienced this juggling and stress fest. But let me tell this to those who think that I have a smooth sailing world: You don't know how much pressure I get just to make this publication sell to my fellow students. I try my best to come up with something unique just so we could still entice them to read Filipino and read Plaridel. Sometimes it falls flat and sometimes I think it doesn't. I try my best to make them like this publication in good taste. I want to uplift this fucking publication's status with other schoolmates saying that Plaridel is both good layout-wise and content-wise. I never wanted my work lousy and I never intended for it to be shit. But sometimes, you just have to understand that every one of us are in different fucking shituations. I know I'm just a fuckin' member of this org and I'm not yet parallel to your position but don't think that I never do my job. It also comes to a time that my priorities are set aside because I had to work for this EVEN WITHOUT THE BENEFITS OF GETTING PAID (not that I wish I was paid). I am doing this because I've always loved working for a fucking publication. It came to a time I had to endure sleepless nights not because of my acads but because I had to layout your pretty section. I am sorry that the December issue wasn't what you expected it to be but considering the amount of time that was given for me to layout the whole of Section B, I had to cut it short because I have my majors to attend to. It's not just your section you should think of. We're only two layout artists and don't expect that things will be presented to you in a manner you would want it to be in just a snap.

I have my limits, too. This time being quiet doesn't help. I talked to my EIC about this already. He knew that I'm losing interest. He knew that I'm thinking of quitting. He knew what I felt for a certain editor in this publication. He said the decision lies in me. My decision is still pending for I am still thinking whether to quit this shit and move on with things that hold my interest. But right now, I am frustrated to the point that I don't know what to do anymore.

To quit or not to quit? That is the fucking question I've been asking myself since the second term which was put on hold for a few months and rejuvenated a few days after being named as Sining's next editor.

Redeo: Unleashed

2007-04-16T11:04:00.000+08:00

Mood: busy
Listening to: Deadbolt - Thrice

~
The comeback party for the De La Salle Athletes was a success. It was fun! I came to Prince of Jaipur with my friends. We had fun dancing, drinking and shit. Rizza wasn't there but we missed her. There were foreigners, too. Haha! I wish I could've stayed longer had I known it was okay for my dad to stay up late. Thanks to Carlo for the ride home! Once again...Haha!

I still need to finish this Bayan Special Ish *grumbles*

Conscious Inspiration

2007-04-12T10:33:00.000+08:00

Mood: elated
Listening to: Heartbeat (Cornelius Mix) - Tahiti 80

~
Blah, when you thought the day started out just wrong there will be things that would prove that it ain't. This day is my unforgettable day 'coz it's just full of <3. Honestly, I've never ever felt so inspired for a test like today. It's my final exam and I (technically) sat beside my crush. Haha. It was just right. Thank you, Lord! Thank you very much. :)

The other details? Only for Katie, Mica and Marvin. Rawr!

The Law of Supply and Demand

2007-04-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

Mood: frustrated
Listening to: Stuck On You - Paramore

It sucks to be a layout artist. Oh really now? It really sucks to be the only layout artist available. It's not that my editor isn't going to help me, he is but I feel so alone in this battle with this other editor. Now, don't get me wrong about fighting and shit but I'm still keeping my cool...just around her but when I find myself out of the door of Room 502, I rejoice but I scream for disappointment. Sure, being a layout artist seems to be an easy job but you got it all wrong especially when you meet a very demanding editor.

It took me 7 months to keep my silence about my irritation for a certain member in my org. It just took one heap of frustration one day, and boom I'm telling Marlon and other three members about it. It just took it's toll on me, honestly. I have never encountered such person who could demand things from me like all I ever do in my school life is to layout things. She can really get insulting and that irritated me more. I always feel the urge to push her away because it just sucks being around and listening to her highly ambitious ideas. It's not that I can't do it. It's the time allotted that would kill everything. I cannot, I repeat, I cannot do what she demands when her articles are late or when there are technicalities involved. Her section is not the only section I layout (and so is Fritz'). And what she demands of me or of Fritz competes with what we do with our school work. I complain because I've had enough.

So now, I sit here in the study and typing this and thinking if I made my point. Too lazy to start because I'm the only supply left as of the moment and the demand is just high I couldn't take it any longer. The demand curve: increases. The supply curve: low, just low.

Last Wednesday, was my supposedly insta-vacation because I don't have classes at that time - mostly are free cut. But seeing that I'm needed and tasked to do the special issue, I just shook off the thought of my rest into work. (Not complaining yet) But when I came to the office, I was expecting to get the work done but it seemed that they still want to have their picture taken. So I had to wait while Peter was asking about me and Kristoffer (my ex, who happens to be Peter and Del's schoolmate back in high school). I listened to my music. Opened my mouth to talk for a few times. Looked around. SMS-ed my friends. Thought about how to do the ton of work she would want me to do. I was getting irritated by the minute. I wanted to start working because I don't want to pile up the hassle that I know that's coming my way. I was cursing in my mind asking why the hell haven't we started and what the heck am I even doing here if there's no work to be really done?

I wanted to escape...eventually I did.

I lied to get out because I couldn't take it anymore. I felt half-bad for ignoring my responsibility for this publication. And I could hear criticisms and side comments in my head saying, "Iyan ba ang ugali ng isang sining editor?" Definitely not, I would say. But I would take this as my last ditch of my responsibilities since I wouldn't be working with her as an editor in the next school year. I promised that I would be dedicated as before. I just hope I could hang on to this seeing that I might flee this family.

Because here's the gist of what Mica asked me on the very day of the chocolate incident:
"Do you love what you do? Or do you love the company? Because obviously those are two different things."

I love you, Mica. And obviously, I didn't answer but I have an answer. I love both it's just that right now? I love my Santugon friends more than Plaridel. Can I have my LOA?

Santugon Victory Party

2007-04-01T13:18:00.000+08:00

Mood: okalokae
Listening to: Underneath It All - No Doubt

~

I just hate lying to my parents. It's like a disease. I want them to trust me and I don't want to lie. Haayy. This just sucks!

I attended the Santugon Victory Party last night. I didn't stay up long 'coz I had curfew at 9. Well, I told them I'm going home at 9. Damn it! I only have 9 months left before I turn 18 and be legal. I love to smell the aroma of being legalized. I hope they would be a little lenient so I don't lie. But of course that won't come with much abuse.

More pictures at my Multiply site.

The Planned Chocolate

2007-03-31T13:36:00.000+08:00

Mood: does anyone know the English for nanghihinayang? I'm sabaw.
Listening to: The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria

~
It was your chance. You blew it. I think I remember a song like that but my mind cannot process it at the moment. My final STATLIT quiz is over. It's just the portfolio and final exam to worry and cram about. Damn, what happened today was still in my mind. I cannot believe it. It shouldn't have happened but it still did. How the heck did it ever fuckin' happen?

I was telling you that my family just came back from the US. Yesterday, we went to Duty Free. It was just a quickie. I bought a bag of Hershey chocolates because I had a plan that I told Mica. I'm going to give Sisig a bag or just a piece of chocolate. At first, that was like a very straight forward move considering that we never talk but I was convinced. I am going to do it. No matter what happens I will give him a bar or a piece or whatever he wants 'coz I planned on bringing plenty for the next day. After my ECEDLOG, it was time for our STATLIT period. Some were cramming for the test but I wasn't at all worried about it. I was jittery because I was stressing (pathetically) with all this give-him-some-Hershey's shit. Obviously, not in my plan that was he going to be late so yeah...the generosity come kilig factor was thrown away into the trash bin. Fucking shit. Of course you may ask if what's my guarantee of him getting the chocolate? If he says no it's fine at least it will forever be memorable. First short convo. Haha! I'm feeling a lot of pathetic-ness in my body by the second. Shit, mehn.

My only concentration right that very moment was to ace my fuckin' STATLIT test. And I'm practically sure I will pass it. I'm that cocky because I was frustrated. I had to take it out on my fuckin' test. We had to wait for a few of my friends outside the classroom. Situated near the teacher's elevator, Sisig went to approach two of my friends. (No stating of names...shit kasi, eh.) We were eating the chocolates. Sisig sat beside my friend and they were talking about STATLIT. Taena, kilig ako. And then I gave my friend chocolates kasi I was preparing myself na to offer Sisig some Hershey's, eh. And all of a sudden yung friend ko nag offer. Putang ina. At that moment I felt I was crushed. Mica felt it, too. As in parang, huh? Did that just happened?

I was walking with Mica nun and I was telling her the frustration. Shit, as in shit. Putang ina STATLIT papasa ako! Eto na lang magpapasaya sa akin. Hahaha!

Miss Independent

2007-03-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

Mood: happy
Listening to: Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica

~
Finally, my family has arrived from the States. I just missed them a lot and good thing they're already home. They have a lot of luggages so I think I have a lot in store, bwahaha! I wish I went with them to Florida and LA. I just want to go there and waste away. I just love to travel and well, I have some other time to do that. My visa just effin' expired I hope I get a new one. Hopefully, I can go there for a vacation after my graduation. Love it that way.

For the last three weeks of my March, I've experienced what it feels to be 1. working; 2. studying abroad or being away from my family; 3. a little taste of freedom and; 4. having my own house (techinically). Okay, so my family left for Florida for Kuya Steve's and Anne's wedding. I met Anne and it goes to show that Sagittarius chicks are hot (I am a Sagi) but not to stray off the topic, I simply didn't blog for three weeks (concerning them leaving) because I don't want to be fully documenting what will happen. No, seriously, I want everything summarized and I didn't want you knowing that I cried and sometimes near to tears when my dad would text me saying they miss me. Okay, I gave that information away in an instant.

Hmm, so yeah, living "alone" was hard. For the past three weeks I have things that I had to tend to which I know now worries everyone who works and lives alone in their own houses, the effin' BILLS. Damn, they were too many to pay that I think that maybe what my dad and mom left me weren't enough. So I had to pay the following: Cable bill, Water bill, and the other water bill (drinking water). It's many for me since I have limited money and I promised myself to only ask money when it's urgent. My most anticipated things come here: getting an ATM and doing the grocery by myself.

Getting my very own ATM was one of the most stressful things that ever happened. Why? When your teller or whoever that employee is tells you unspecific stuff, for sure it will feel like going back and forth for a check-up for a disease. For a week, I've been going back and forth at Market! Market! just to complete my requirements. I just hated it because one, they specifically didn't tell me that the proof of billing should have an address. I brought the water bill and it doesn't have our address. Then, a receipt from my enrollment wasn't enough for them they had me go back to my house to get my EAF. It sucks really 'coz I think I've spent a lot on transportation. It was really a good thing that my house is just near.

Doing the grocery myself was one of the greatest things! It gave me the liberty of choosing stuff for myself. I am proud that I have managed to budget the things I should need to buy. And hey, I didn't just buy microwave-ables. Too much preservaties is a no-no! So with all the freedom to pick the food I want to eat I bought cookies and cream ice cream, french fries, noodles, milk, mixed veggies, chicken, pork, and other grocery-ables. I was proud because I did it all on my own.

What else? I've tried to be as much as possible responsible for the house. I checked whether we need something. I don't want to be like panicking because we needed something right away. But to spend was inevitable. I mean, I was given moolah just for myself and all I spent it with was food and a few clothes. I treated out my friends to Gypsies and The Old Spaghetti House (TOSH) when I was named Sining Editor. All these were the perks of having my family away for three weeks. Everyday, I imagined myself as this person when I'm already working. Of course, I wouldn't get allowance from my parents anymore. I'd be independent and I'd be paying for my own bills with my own hard earned money. I do hope that I get everything decent when I graduate.

This was also a good thing for me because I learned a lot from this three-week experience. I had a lot of mixed emotions come after me as the days neared March 27th. I just love it that I got a once in a lifetime taste of what it feels like to be independent at 17. I know there are people who are away from their families and it's pretty much not easy. I feel your pain. Haha.

Let's Temple

2007-03-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

Mood: sleepless meaning sleepy
Listening to: Give It To Me - Timbaland feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake

~
So much for lying and shit, I went to Temple and had my stay at Eda's place. I know it's just bad and seemed abusive of me but of course who would let me go to a bar when my parents aren't around? It's just that my grand parents are this strict. They're not the most lenient person you'd ever meet. I'm just happy that Tito Benjie somehow convinced them that I'd go to Eda's place and do effin' school work. But of course, I also did work. I work my ass of just to finish the BnK Special Issue which was supposedly finished by now but due to lack of pictures and articles, it's still not finish. I hope I finish this 'coz this takes up a lot of my time.

Anyway, back to the topic of being a lying bitch, I just wish that my parents wouldn't be too much of a worrier. I know that in times like these, you cannot trust anyone right away. There will always be people who would take advantage of you and I know that. But sometimes, I just feel it's too much. I know I should understand them because they're just concerned after my safety but I, too, would want them to just let me have fun and enjoy and trust me. I think it's just also the hassle of fetching me up from a bar. I know that they're not very trusting of other people that they don't know but I hope that they see that I'm surrounded by decent people. I just wish that one day they'd see that I am just growing up and this is just part of it. Going to bars and staying up late. Tina's (my cousin who lives in Dubai) could go out with her friends even at night and have sleep overs why can't I? To think she's younger than me. And by the way, he's Tito Benjie's daughter. Yeah, if you were reading correctly he was the one who convinced my grandmother that I go. Haayyy, ang hirap naman. Somehow, I wish my parents were like that of Rizza's, Phoebe's and Katie's and Anne's.

Maybe when I turn 18, they'd let me out na 'till the wee hours. I hope they do.

Other pics; more pics.

The Feeling of Winning

2007-03-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

Mood: ecstatic (and a little bit tired)
Listening to: Fall From The Sky - FoolProof

~
I promised to myself that 2007 will be my year. I feel that all the things that I've planned and will do (noted on my P9) are starting to come true. I'm not expecting those things I've written to turn out to be exactly what I've planned or for those to also come true.

Now, something I've wanted came true. I know it ain't no miracle and results weren't thought about in a snap. It takes effort and it takes time for the panel of judges to deliberate.

As of today, I was pronounced as Ang Pahayagang Plaridel's Patnugot ng Sining.

It was an incredible feeling for my editor to call my name and say, "Ang susunod na patnugot ng Sining ay si...[my full name here]. I really thought that it was Martin who would win because I was thinking that they'd pick me over someone who draws well than someone who knows how to do the layout. I'm pretty sure that I'd also start going back to sketching because of this. And I'm pretty much sure that I'm going to demand a laptop from my parents. Despite that, I'm going to fulfill my duties and responsibilities as an editor and do what I've specifically wanted to do for Plaridel for school year 2007-2008. I am not giving up on this post because I've fallen in love with the hardwork, cramming-slash-procrastination, the creativity, ideas and late-night-sometimes-all-day-work for it. This is also what God wanted for me. He fired at will. I love it.

After the announcement of winners, we immediately had a meeting. The new editorial board of APP, dominated by new female editors. The meeting postponed my excitement to go to my friends over at Gypsies and tell them the good news. But of course, I have the time to tell it to them since they're my classmates in my next class. Phoebe hugged me and the rest of my friends were congratulating me and it was really good. Sir Jasper even congratulated me. I was happy inside pero apparently to JC, it didn't show. Well, I told him the reasons already. I'm going to have my parents call me or I'll call them when I have the money (most probably tomorrow).

Today, I just felt that it was ordinary with the touch of accomplishment. Winning the editorial board is one of the highlights for this year. I'm excited to start it. I know it's not easy and I'm going to strive hard and do my aims for this year. I will make my own identity as a member of Plaridel just like what Fritz said.

How Bad Do I Want That Position?

2007-03-17T15:40:00.000+08:00

Mood: lazy
Listening to: Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I had my interview awhile ago. I had my interview for the position of Patnugot ng Sining (Sining Editor) of Ang Pahayagang Plaridel. I was nervous. Everything that you ever thought of about performing on stage for a simple role back in high school with fear of embarrassing yourself rushed in through my veins again. This time, my audience wasn't my fellow students of my previous school, today I faced not but an audience, but a panel of interviewers that would scrutinize, interrogate, comment anything about being a member of Plaridel, a future Patnugot ng Sining, and as a leader.

I croacked. I had cold hands. I stuttered.

Symptoms of nervousness. But going through the process, it wasn't bad after all. It was an experience that I enjoyed after. I loved how it felt that my agony was over.

Facing the question again on how bad I wanted this position, I'd rather say it in Filipino, my language.

Noong ako'y tinanong ni Fritz, ang aking Patnugot sa seksyon ng Sining, kung plano ko bang tumakbo para sa posisyon niya matapos ang taon, alam kong iisa lang ang maisasagot ko: Hindi. Hindi? Bakit? Bago palang ako. Sinabi ko sa kanya sa panayam niya sa akin na nais ko pang makita at i-explore ang pagiging miyembro ng Ang Pahayagang Plaridel.

Lumipas ang mga buwan, nagustuhan at naiplano ko nang tumakbo. Binalewala ko ang sinabi ko kay Fritz noon at talagang nag-isip na ako noon pa kung ano ang p'wede kong magawa para sa Plaridel. Marami din ang nag tanong sa akin kung plano kong tumakbo pero sinasabi ko hindi. Alam ko noon nag sisinungaling lang ako pero gusto ko muna itago sa sarili ko yung gusto kong gawin. Pinili ko na manahimik muna kaysa mag ingay. Sabi nila kasi parang pulitika ang EB race...hindi ako mahilig sa pulitika.

Dumating ang bagong taon, pero nawala din sa akin ang kagustuhan kong tumakbo. Naimpluwensyahan na rin siguro ako ng mga kaibigan ko na mas gugustuhin ko pang mag-party nalang kaysa mag trabaho. Napapabayaan ko din siya dahil narin sa marami akong ginagawa at pati na rin sa katamaran ko. Sa sobrang bigat ng gawain ko bilang isang layout artist, naisipan ko din na bumitaw na sa responsibilidad ko bilang miyembro ng organisasyon. Pero nanatili pa din ako. Naisip ko na isa lang itong hamon sa akin. Alam kong kaya ko pa.

Nakumbinsi ako ni Marlon na tumakbo. Binalewala ko na lahat kasi alam ko sa unang-una pa lamang, ito na ang gusto ko. Hindi ako nag babalak para sa isang mataas pa na posisyon tulad na lamang ng bilang isang Punong Patnugot o Tagapagmahalang Patnugot man lamang. Hindi rin dahil sa hindi ako bihasa sa pag susulat sa Filipino, pero alam kong hindi ko sakop ang mga bagay na ginagawa sa posisyon na iyon. Masaya na ako na maiiangat ang kalagayan ng Plaridel sa tulong ng seksyon na pamamahalaan ko. Lalung-lalo magiging makulay at malikhain ang Plaridel - iyan ang bisyon ko na gusto kong mangyari kung ako man ang maging Patnugot ng Sining.

Ngayon, gaano ko ba talaga ito gusto? Walang nakasaksi pero iniyakan ko ito. Iniyakan ko ito dahil inakala kong hindi na ako makakasali sa EB Race. Iniyakan ko ito dahil ayaw ng ama ko na sumabak ako sa pagiging isang patnugot. Pero hindi lang dahil sa iniyakan ko ito ay iyon na ang sukat ng pagka gusto ko dito. Gusto ko na makuha ang posisyon na ito dahil gusto kong mapatunayan na kaya kong mai-angat ang lebel ng Plaridel (sa sakop ng pag-layout). Gusto ko maipakita sa bawat Lasalyano na hindi lang sa nilalaman maganda ang publikasyon kung hindi sa mapanlikhang layout na kaya naming ibigay. Gusto ko maging Patnugot ng Sining hindi para sa posisyon o kapangyarihan (kung kaya ko nga mag-power trip). Gusto ko ito dahil dito ko maipapakita pa ang kakayahan ko sa larangan ng Sining. Kontemporaryo o tradisyonal man, nais kong maipakita pa ang tunay na kakayahan ng mga kasama ko sa Sining. Naniniwala ako na kaya ko at kaya rin nila.

Ngayon, ipinagdadasal ko na kung ano man ang mangyari at maging desisyon ng mga nakakataas, tatanggapin ko ito. Pero hindi ako magiging ipokrito, ipinagdarasal ko din na manalo ako dito.

Tartan

2007-03-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap

~
Just a morning update. I came home at 2am last night from Errica's party. It's like my first party after my family left for Florida last Tuesday. It feels good to be permitted. We were almost complete. Babez wasn't able to go to Errica's party 'coz it was also her celebration but it was just for college friends seeing that most of us would go to Errica's. Anyway, we miss her a lot and wished she was with us!

I still feel sleepy, though. Okay, well Errica's party was held at Atchie's Bar @ El Pueblo (near The Podium). Yes, damn it! She's wearing a dress. Gifts were requested as money 'coz proceeds will go to the GK so she could build up her Errica house, hehe. Wish I could do the same but that won't happen at this time, though.

Jay and I with Errica

Anne (one half), Me, Czar, Clo and Hazel

Errica playing with Quiddity

My high school barkada. Pilosopong Kalog. Luvvv 'em.
More pics at my Multiply site.

I really miss my family. It's just quiet in the house and it's just me and Brad with Ate Janice and Gina. Three weeks still seems so far out and I wish they'd come home soon. I never knew I'd miss them this much. Damn.

The Biggest Liar Award

2007-03-10T03:29:00.000+08:00

Mood: furious
Listening to: Break The Same - Mute Math

~
Have you ever met someone in your life that has completely lied everything about her? Have you ever met someone who made stories just to gain sympathy? Have you every met someone who, in her messages and what she says, subliminally wants your confirmation to say she's the prettiest bitch you've ever seen? Have you ever met someone who's hobby is to make up rumors? Have you ever met someone who wanted chaos in your circle of your friends? Have you ever met someone who pretended to be somebody else for the sake of attention? Have you ever met someone who had too much god-complex thinking that they're above the law and IS the law?

If you have answered yes to one of those, what did you feel and how did you cope up with that person? Have you talked to him or her? Confronted? How did you deal with situation?

But how would you feel if all those questions I have are all in just one person? Too much of a problem and too full of shit isn't it? I hate how all of a sudden I found out about it. It is disappointing, really. How could she do that? How could someone you trust with your life do that to you and your friends?

I wouldn't elaborate more on this because I've gone completely angry with her shit. I cannot believe how someone like her would actually do that! Friendships broken and all because of her. Thanks for ruining it. You lost your sanity. I don't consider you as my friend anymore. I cannot be your friend anymore. I trusted you. I cared for you a lot. I never left you when you needed someone. But you, you did this to us thinking that you could hold us in the neck of your anorexic hands. Just shut up already! Go away and don't think we'll ever come back. Because coming back proves that you could still order us around. I'm sick of you and your shit! I have helped you always. I was there to try to cheer you up when you're down. I was there to witness your ironies/contradictions but I never ever shoved them up your face because even if you are like that I accepted it. I accepted you even if you were face-front lying to me. But I never knew that you would turn up into something like this. Too much. It's too much. I hate what you did.

From the words of Brooke Davis:
"As far as I'm concerned this friendship is over."

Never Bring an Issue to a Party

2007-03-06T09:47:00.000+08:00

Mood: okay
Listening to: No Love - The Get Up Kids

Ginald, Me and MM @ Great Eastern Hotel

Molesting scene

My landi pic.

More pictures at my Multiply site.

It was [Mommy] Rheine's debut last March 4. It was my one last hirit for a party before my family leaves for the US this Tuesday. This night was supposed to be dedicated for fun because obviously it's Rheine's birthday celeb but as expected the GSG quitting shit issue was talked about. The Grand Foundress wasn't able to make it so the Co-Foundress was present. And you know who started talking about it.

We sat at the other table and we could hear that we were talked about. The issue, too, was talked about. When will she stop? And now she comes up with things such as reorganizing the rules of GSG so that everybody would be equal and shit. But that didn't convince me a second to go back. Not ever. Why? That would also only prove that they could still hold us in the neck and could still control us. But I've had other things to do than let some 19 or 18 year old girl control me. So yeah, the issue spoiled the night. But regardless of that, I wished Rheine all the best! I love her to death! She knows a lot of my secrets and I know hers, too. We care about each other and our friendship and that really matters.

I love you, Mommy!

I Hate Assuming

2007-03-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

I
don't
like to
think of
this scenario
because it really
makes me think of
just shit. And I hate it
that I think of it. Don't let
me assume because I don't want to
appear as if I'm lusting over you.
But there's something in me
that says that I like you.
Isn't that amazing?
...Not. It's really
not amazing.
Escape
my
mind.
Because
I don't want
you in it. I don't.
Just get out. I just
have dirt on my face,
right? Just dirt. Okay, I'll
just have a touch up after class.

Quitter

2007-02-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

Mood: relieved
Listening to: This Scene Is Dead - We Are Scientists

~
I quit. After four years of being a member and treating everyone like family - I left for good. Surprising for others, I know. I saw blog posts about it and I don't really know what to feel. I even read a few messages before I last saw the forum's interface for the last time. Thanks guys. Thank you for being a part of my life. I guess G S G won't fit in my suitcase now. My journey as a Gaiden ends here.

Since I'm just the type who would reminisce, I decided to write down the who's and what's that happened to me in the last four years I was part of G S G.

I joined the clan December of 2002. My nick and chat name at LinkTV then was Eriol08. You probably know where I got my nick if you're an avid Cardcaptor Sakura fan. My recruiter was Misao and she was my very first friend. Soon, I found out about a few members and my friend then was Alk as far as I can tell. I was dormant and I lost interest for a while. Summer of 2003 came and I decided to give my on-screen-social-life a second chance. I became an active LinkTV member and gained friends. Then, knowing that I was a Genso Suikogaiden member, I was approached by Kakurine Mikain, G S G's Grand Foundress. At that time, I was no longer Eriol08. I was known as Yuffie Kisaragi since then. Being appointed as a Rune Mistress that day, I was so enthusiastic about other members that I logged in the forum, June 2003.

I met my best friend in G S G. I met my first boyfriend in G S G. I had other people witness my heartache in G S G. I had my first date with a G S G member (and he's not even my boyfriend). I had my first fight with a bitch in G S G. I was labeled in G S G. I was popular to say the least. I think that changing my nick and being active was a good call. It changed my life. It did. And every moment that I spent with my G S G friends, I cherish it. I love everyone of them even if we weren't close. I always feel the need of helping others who have their problems. It was them who recognized my talents and it was them who treated me differently. I loved each other's company.

But not everything will always be about the good shit. G S G has faced it's darkest days when I wasn't around, too. It also faced a ton of issues that I don't know why someone every fuckin' makes them. A year ago, it was about the Wild 7 issue (which to me back then was really gay) and then 2007, was about the KOTF/DA thread lock and the 4chan shit invaders. Surviving the issues was a good thing and everybody moves on...or so I thought.

Leaders don't need scapegoats. And leaders shouldn't make their members FEEL inferior. Don't think that when you say your insults and such nobody ever gets hurt. Because, as a leader you should be responsible enough and you could command respect. You did, but how you acted that night wasn't responsible enough and respectful enough. That was just the lowest thing you could ever make anyone feel. You can't say that you don't know much because you were studying. Big duh! We're also students and we study, too. What do you expect us mods to do? Guard the forum 24/7 and have no life? Excuse me. And your dear co-foundress here says my friends were rude. Rrriiiggghttt. I saw your conversation shit and you guys were the ones who were rude. Not them.

Leaders should own up to their mistakes. Yeah, not admitting your mistakes makes you look immature and pathetic. It's sad that you had to make up stories just so you could twist the truth and get a side of the members. It's just too bad you have to do that and not stick with the truth. C'mon, if you want the truth, tell the truth! Harhar. And telling me not to believe my friends says a whole lot of your shit. Don't tell me I shouldn't believe what my friends say because I know when they're saying the truth.

(Okay, I just went on full-rant profile.)

Let me just put something in this space where I could just thank a few people who may have quit or not in the clan:
1.) RinoaGarnet: I met you here and it was fantastic that we became friends. Because of one G S G guy, we fought. We may never be the same again but I forgive you and I hope we just forgive each other.
2.) Yukiko: You were one of the best people I've ever met in this clan. Surprising, right? But I learned a lot from you. One thing I could always remember that stayed with me and you taught me was to not text anyone when talking in the phone because it's rude. It stayed with me. I only text other people when the person I'm talking with on the other line permits me to. And yeah, I'm sorry for a whole lot of things.
3.) Scythe: You were really a good best friend to me. I just love it that we're still friends despite the fights that we had. Thanks for keeping my secrets.
4.)Flik: I love you, Daddy. I'm sorry to make you cry because I quit. But I hope you still understand that I did this because of the facts stated by Dhonnie.
5.)Rei Kiritani: (now Dhonnie) Thanks a lot for everything you've done! I just love the fact that you were always there behind my back and you were always there to listen to me when I need someone. When I need someone to vent out my frustrations and just everything that I feel.

These five people are so like the best for me. I mean, three of those I've been in a fight or a fit (or whatever you wanna call it) with. I'm happy I met them and there are loads of other people to thank in this clan. I'm happy because despite the fact that some of us are no longer in G S G, we're still going to be friends. No more drama. It's just our shit.

Yuffie Kisaragi
GSG White Saint Rune Mistress
Dark Alliance Unit
December 2003 - February 26, 2007

Over and out.

I See You

2007-02-25T01:29:00.000+08:00

Mood: giddy
Listening to: A Certain Romance - The Arctic Monkeys

~
I received this quote: "A cute thought: if you ever get caught looking at him just remember.. he wouldn't have caught you if he wasn't looking at you." I don't know how possibly true it could be but for me, it's a different feeling and realization. For the past weeks, I've come to realize how cute this guy looks just by glancing at him a few seats away in one of my classes. I haven't told anyone about me having a crush on him but this time, I want to keep this a secret. I want this guy to be just my super secret crush. I'm not going to tell anyone --- I'm dead serious.

I happen to see him "look" at me a lot of times already. I was wondering if I have dirt or something at me. But it was different. Of course, at first (when he wasn't my crush yet) I would coincidentally look at his direction. Our eyes met. It happened again and again for the next meetings. I really felt like I was getting conscious because probably he notices something wrong with me and I'm guessing it's something in my face. But I don't want to assume or anything but the mere fact that our eyes meet means something to me. It's like a kilig factor. I really do get excited if I was able to see him. I mean, when I open the door and he's outside, I see him and we just look at each other in the eye. I don't want to give any meaning to this but damn, it's just different! Or am I the only one feeling this way? How one sided.

Lord, if this is the one -- more signs please. If he's not, have him not look at me when I'm going to "on purposely" look at him. Please. And if it helps, let our prof change the groupings! Harhar. How could day dreaming do this to me? Haha. Oh well, just wanna share something.

This means I'm just pathetic. How sad.

You Need Mirrors...Quick!

2007-02-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

Mood: disappointed
Listening to: The Widow - Mars Volta

~

Not everyone who gives you shit is your enemy. And not everyone who takes the shit out of you is your friend.

I learned that from my PRISAAP Leadership Congress in my Senior Year (in high school). True. I believe the statement. The speaker apologized for saying the "s" word but it makes complete sense. We are pretty much occupied with judgment at times. It's not right but I think that it's in human nature that we do it.

How should a leader act? How should they command their members? Should they throw back criticisms and make you feel like you're dumb? Or should they boss you around because they ARE the leaders?

Nothing of those questions are right, right? None. So what am I trying to imply? Well, just yesterday my friends from my group (called the G S G) fought. Yes, it was between the almighty ever right leaders vs the forum moderators. I knew about it. While the whole ruckus was going on, I was updated to every single thing they were arguing about.

What's bad about this? Well, for one I was disappointed about how our grand foundress and co-foundress acted on the shituation. Obviously, things got out of hand and there were a lot of stuff that came about. It was just bad that our leaders were stubborn that they could only hear themselves as the only people who are absolute with the whole damn thing. Greeeatttt. Since when did someone like them ever get the whole idea of being such?

My friend was right. Those two are best friends for a reason - they were stubborn. Both won't admit their mistakes. How I hate it that there are people who could be like that. We were born to make mistakes and as an ECED major mistakes are developmentally appropriate. Relation to this? (Haha! I'm kinda laughing right now) We learn from it. That's why we grow and mature because of mistakes. That's why we learn because of mistakes. That's why when faced with the situation, we know what to do and not do the same thing. Sadly, I think that's hardly ever going to happen (if you consider the pride) G S G would never be the same since two of our members quit the group already. I, too, with other members upon knowing how cohesion was dictated in the group and how stories were stirred to make them look good, wanted to quit. Honestly, you disregard the title of the founders, we're nothing but friends. And in those four years that I've been in the G S G, I never thought that things are just as fake as Lindsay Lohan's boob job.

I'm thinking of quitting because I don't think that I could be in the same group with people who think of themselves as upright. I can't be in the same group with people who look for sympathy to gain followers to their side. I can't be in the same group with those people because it's not the same as before where everyone is family. I can't be in the same group because there's no respect for other members. I can't be in the same group with people who use their position for a power trip. I can't be in the same group where respect lacks especially to the higher ups.

Some of us wants to quit already. I'm ready. I'm just waiting for the right time. So to my dear G S G, just thank you!

Italyyy

2007-02-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

Mood: excited
Listening to: A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds To Mars

~
This is it! This is my most awaited travel for this year! I want to make it to Italy in September. By then, it would be fall and I wanna see Italy by that time :) But sadly, if you're on a trimestral system and your parents are too concerned about your studies, they have to think hard of bringing you there. It's just damn unfair! Amanda gets to travel with you to Florida and LA, why can't I go to Italy? She had to cut her classes a few weeks early and I can't? I just do hope that our term break starts by September 12. But which I highly doubt. But I'm still hoping....Really hoping. Help me, Lord! I want to go to Italy! I want to see Venice since that's where my mom's conference would be held.

!@#$!@%$&^%*&^

I just checked my calendar. Fuck it. NoOoooooOoooo~!!! Why is this fuckin' happening? I need a fuckin' miracle! Shit shit shit! Lord, please lang. I wanna go to Italy!

My mom told me that she's gonna check if p'wede daw. I can see it in their eyes....No. Now, I'm said. Change mood to fuckin' sad.

She Doesn't Know I Know

2007-02-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

Mood: apathetic (harhar mocking)
Listening to: Useless - Imogen Heap

That was my act of love. I'm sorry you got hurt of what I did. I'm sorry. It's sincere. You may never have felt it that way but I truly am. I want the drama to stop and start 2007 forgiving other people. And you were on my top list. I've changed and I guess you did, too.

(to read the fuckin' post click here)

The Holiday

2007-02-10T15:49:00.000+08:00

Mood: reflective
Listening to: Starlight - Muse

~
What prevents you from being happy? Is it because of what other people think of you? Your pride? The person you love? Sacrificing? What?! Tonight, I thought of that question. What could possibly be wrong with me? Or what could people possibly see in me to make me feel this way?

..It's me.

(to read the complete blog post of this shit click here)

~~
I watched The Holiday today with Anne. We went to CSR awhile ago to get our yearbook. But fuck Ms Jamison. She wouldn't let us. Third strike, Ms Jamison. Third strike. I don't want to see your shitface again. I hate it that you're still in CSR. Super suck-up. Pag sundalo ang tatay mabilis kumilos, pag hindi mahabang proseso pa. Wow, grabe ka naman. Hindi ba p'wede apo ng sundalo? Tae ka! Tae ka! After resting in the green chairs, we walked to Powerplant and decided to watch a movie.

I could totally relate to it. I was near to tears in one scene where Iris (Kate Winslet) and Miles (Jack Black) were talking. I just felt how true it was. I was shaking Anne inside the movie house while she was saying it and I was just preventing myself from crying.

Here's what Iris said:

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

Ouch, right? But it's true for me. Haayy, when I got home I've never cried like that ever. My witness to me crying was Brad. Thanks Brad for listening to my hagulhol. It's a good thing dad and Amanda were already asleep.

The Year-fucking-book Crap

2007-02-06T11:25:00.000+08:00

Mood: furious
Listening to: 'Till You Feel Something - Dropping Daylight

~
My fuckin' alma mater has done it again. First, them not giving me recognition or appreciation 'man lang and now this, the fuckin' yearbook scrap. I am so disappointed that it happened. Honestly, if they think that it didn't suit the design or the formality of the yearbook they could've told me. Instead, they had Errica (which I presume) design a new one - without even informing me. Wala, just because we're all busy and stressed from fuckin' college means they have no means of informing me. I am furious because it just showed how rude they were. When I saw my face and name in the yearbook staffers' page, I even got more furious. Why? 'Coz what's the whole fuckin' point of my face and name plastered there when none of my works were published to begin with? Putang ina talaga. I don't know who to talk or ask questions about this because sa totoo lang, I'm fed up with complaints and I don't want to complain. But this is just too much. I've been robbed off again by that fuckin' school. Just because I'm not as fuckin popular as Errica, or not like a big suck-up like [insert name here], doesn't give them the right to strip me off off my talent and skill.

It sucks to be a student of CSR - Makati. (But it doesn't suck much with the thought that people, I mean students and some teachers there are Everyone thinks especially those in the higher ups that they're just so righteous when they're exactly hypocrites. Wala, that person seated at that office near the guidance shouldn't be listened to. Why should she? All she ever did was to blab about how holy and how sacrificial she is just for God. Rrrriiiggghhtt. Tell that to me when you try to suck up my glory when I grow older.

This is too much of a frustration. I hate this.

If You Want To Talk...

2007-01-29T14:44:00.000+08:00

Mood: angry
Listening to: A Kiss To Send Us Off - Incubus

~
First of all, as much as I want to mention names in this craphole, I wouldn't. So yeah, I don't name names here. From my previous blog (if you knew about it), you would know na I sometimes refer to people that I know that I'm angry with or pissed off with as "dude." But since the archive is still not up, you won't find it. Going back, I won't mention my friend's name here since I don't want to carry the guilt of having him to lose his friendship with another person.

...And

People who I do not associate with anymore and think that they're worth my time are completely stupid. Honestly, I don't go gaga over the fact that you think I love the shit with chasing. But honestly, you've got it all figured out...wrong. It's bad enough that you assumed but it just proves that you're a complete jackass. Edited.

(to read the whole post click here)

Losing My Grip

2007-01-28T15:50:00.000+08:00

Mood: confused
Listening to: Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

How long can you love someone? I guess for each person it means forever. To some, they depend it on time. But it's just one big bullshit. I don't believe in such when you're fickle or confused or when you're caught up with the situation. But hold on. That's nowhere near love. Maybe the proper question is, how long do you believe you're in love with someone?

Does love ever end?

For some it doesn't. For some it does.

I don't know, but I believe I have fallen in love twice, infatuated for three times (I bet) and been caught up in the moment - thrice. See, that's a number for me. One I got over with because of deceiving me, one that I know I've completely gotten over with just recently and it goes on and on. Sometimes, I don't know why these people love me. Heck, I don't know how it happened. (I'm just pertaining to those a few who have professed that they did.) Sometimes, I would give myself time to reflect and just see to what events occurred. I just want to know.

There was this guy (who's under the caught up in the moment section) who said he loves me. Our relationship was just on the brother-sister kind of thing and in some silly way, I thought of the fact that we could be lovers. And so, the whole shit of asking of courting and stuff followed on and on...but you know what after one week? he backed out. He had all this excuses of such. That was it. Our closeness and all that? It was all over.

Just recently, well you could call that recently to me my very very close friend said he was falling for me then he said he already loves me. That was summer '06 and you think that's recent? I was shocked by it but I was worried for our friendship. At that time, I was confused on what I really felt 'coz honestly I was really weirded out of that fact that I imagined us. And then, after assessing it, I wasn't infatuated nor was I in love. I just loved him as a friend. I loved him because he was just so special in a way that I can give reasons why. But nothing there was even close to being romantic. There was nothing more. Pero I was just happy of the fact that he said, mahal niya ako. And that was it. He asked me if I could go out. I didn't say yes because I'm entering college and I just want to adjust to it. I just don't want to date or whatever. After that we rarely talked. No communication whatsoever. At that time I assumed he was just caught up in the moment because we were just very close to each other. Mike even told me that the dude doesn't love me 'coz there's no effort. Which I agreed on. Totoo naman. If you love someone, you show it. You don't just say it 'coz those are just words. What can words do without work?

Months later, I knew that, that love was nowhere in sight. Civil kami and still very close to each other. Kulitan diyan, kulitan dito. That's how we are today. Pero can I help it if I become jealous because I'm not the girl for him? Maybe I just felt that I was deprived of love again. Truthfully, I am so fed up with guys telling me they love me. Lahat ng lalaki pareparehas lang. All they ever do is talk shit about how they love you and about love. When you give them a chance, they blew it. The Prince Charming and Knight in Shining Armor that girls ever dreamed of are long gone. I hate to say it but now, my perception of love is just blah. All these guys would ever want is to boost their machismo or their ego because they want to show off. I hate the fact that I could attach myself to people like that. I hate it that I believe them. Yun pala, nawawala lang kaagad.

Kaya ikaw, dapat di mo nalang sinabi na mahal mo ako kung susuko ka kaagad dahil feeling mo rejectd ka dahil hindi ako pumayag na umalis tayong dalawa. Sana nag-tanong ka ulit. Malay mo pumayag ako diba? Kaso hindi. Going strong naman kayo, eh. I have no problem with that. Pero ikaw na din nag-sabi na madali kang ma-fall. Good luck. Sana nga hindi ka lang ma-carried away. 'Di din naman biro mag-mahal, eh.

This means I'm really giving up on this shit? I am now. I am slowly losing my grip and I'm losing my patience. Guys. Tsk. You could never ever get me with your sweet talks anymore. You make me hate love.

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness?

2007-01-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

Mood: fine!
Listening to: This Ain't A Scene It's An Arm's Race - Fall Out Boy

I went out with Marlon, JC, and Jem to Binondo today. It was a good experience (because it's my first). I loved Binondo Church! It's the shit. It was my first time to step into Binondo. Of course, being like a "tourist" in that place, I wanted to explore and know the place.

When you hear the name of the place, you'd instantly associate it with the Chinese. Yes, it's where China Town is located. And, I haven't really visualized what it looks like in here. I've been to San Francisco's and Chicago's and they're not really that bad (except that in some weird and silly way, we're bad pedestrians). This is just basing from what I've seen (in San Francisco). And from a far, I would say that China Towns are the same. But once I walk with my friends more, I see the sad part of it. I've never seen a purple-icky colored "estero" piled with trash. At my first sight of it, it was icky the next I became sad.

It's just the problem with us. Not everyone there is Chinese, some are Filipinos. But trash-problem isn't something new in this environment that we live in. I just wish that people would care more of the environment. It's the only thing we'll have. It's the only thing that could possibly sustain us and keep us alive. Everyday, I see people throwing their trash just anywhere. And sometimes it's just not trash. I hate the fact that Filipinos consider every part of this goddamn country as a spittoon. Or if not, something like a tissue paper. I hate it that Pinoys would get mad if a person of authority comes right up to them and says it's bad. Basta..I hate it! I hate it that only a few take action. Only a few people become stewards (which God appointed us by the way). I hate it that this happens. I hate it that I never encourage others to do the same thing. I hate it that we don't care where we throw our trash. I hate it that guys and old ladies spit or do "singa" on the streets and even on the floors of the MRT or the LRT.

All I have for now is wishful thinking. I hope someone would just stand up. But one thing I learned from one of the books that changed me is that a simple change in routine for 30 days can be a habit. And that habit sure becomes permanent. From having an I don't care attitude, I shifted to throwing my trash properly and no polluting schemes to a positive one. I still wish for a cleaner environment. Isn't it nice to see everything dainty?

Sa akin, it's not about perfection. Nothing is perfect nga diba? Pero why not everyone of us make an effort to save what's left of us. Ako this will be my resolution. To help advocate cleanliness. I hope I can do it. I wish I could.

On the lighter side, I promised that I would go to Binondo to hear mass someday. 'Coz Marlon said Fafa Piolo hears mass there. Just kidding! I loved the interior of the church. Ang laki and from the outside, I love the feel of how old it is. Tapos, tapos, natuwa ako sa Chinese McDo and Chinese Starbucks! Haha. I don't have pics 'coz biglaang invite lang. I didn't use my phone kasi doon. It's new to me kasi and I know Binondo is adjacent to Divi.

Offending Respect

2007-01-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

Mood: slighty -----
Listening to: Over - Jimmy Eat World

There are times when I really feel like people don't realize that they're already hurting my feelings. There are times where they don't seem to see that they've already crossed the line. Manhid. Honestly, I'm fed up with my cliques' constant insults or side comments about me. Kesyo I'm stupid or hindi ako dapat paniwalaan. At first, it would be okay. I mean, girls for some, talk like that. But when it's always repeated it's not good. Pero wala, they just laugh it off. They think I'm laughing with them but in fact, I'm angry and hurt inside. Oo, taklesa din ako. But I know when I'm about to say something bad din. When my "word vomit" about them is about to escape my mouth, I would cut off my words. I also know how to keep my side comments about a person to myself.

Respeto lang naman, eh. That's all I need from them. I think there's not a day where they don't do that to me. I'm not pertaining to all of them but to a few people lang (in my clique). That's why sometimes, I just keep quiet. I get pissed because their hirits offend me. I've never shared this to anyone. Dito lang. Tapos, they ask what's wrong I don't answer them or sometimes I just say nothing is wrong. I don't want them to make a fuss out of it. My solution nalang is to ignore them - those people who do that to me.

Oo, alam ko I say bad stuff din. I can come off as a frank bitch. Pero ngayon, knowing that I'm becoming quiet, I rarely talk bad about people - their appearance, attitude, mannerisms... My judgment of someone just stays in the premise of my mind and shut mouth. I don't go around telling, "That girl's a hoe." Ilang beses ko na kayong pinalampas. Ilang beses na. I bet you'd ask yourselves if one day, hindi ko kayo kausapin at hindi na pansinin. Sorry, pero ganyan talaga. I'd rather not associate myself with people who don't see my light. (As what Jada Pinkett-Smith has said on the Tyra show.) Hindi ko na gusto marinig yung mga insulto at side comments niyo! Sa mga hirit niyo, ilang beses ba akong bumwelta at nag-tapon ng masamang comment? Sige nga, assess!

Ewan

2007-01-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

Mood: sicky-sick
Listening to: 99 With An Anchor - A Thorn For Every Heart

~
Today was okay. For the first time, I walked into class (PTEACH1) not hungry. So hindi ko prinoblema kung maririnig ba ng katabi ko kung kumakalam na yung tiyan ko. Embarrassing. I know, right? Pero tama yung ginagawa ko. I shouldn't skip breakfast. It's not just because that it's an important meal. S'ympre, ikaw gusto mo bang mapagkamalang umutot ka pag asa klase? Iba-iba kasi tunog minsan, eh. What's more embarrassing is that sometimes it's just so quiet and then your stomach grumbles. Shiat, pare. Gutom nako.

I sound so tabloid-ish. Not that I read tabloids like a mad gossip-lovin' girl...I've been reading a few tabloid columns posted in PEx and that's how they sound. I don't know. Maybe how you read this would seem different to you. While for me, it's more of a tabloid thing. Pinoy kasi. Filipino na dapat kung Filipino. Ang arte kasi pataglish-Taglish pa. Parang timang. Haha. Ironic.

I love that picture above. It's soooooo nice. I love it so much! Katie took that picture while we were at the Intellect Seminar Room at Gokongwei a while ago. We had a scholarship-slash-quiz bee a while ago. TJ won and he deserves it naman, eh. He was really fast in answering. Take It To The EdGE was the title of the program. And the winner gets P10, 000 if he or she wins. Pero that's only for the tuition. Like, if your tuition is 40k, then ten thousand would be deducted from it and you'd only have to pay the rest. Lucky, TJ.

~
The experience at the Intellect Seminar Room a while ago was fun and embarrassing. Ewan ko. People were looking while we were taking our pictures. Maybe those people thought we were loonies. Or just gutsy people to pose when people would see us strut our stuff when they pass by. Blah, who cares now. Everybody takes their pictures wherever, whenever. It's not a new story. That's why the word vanity is such a popular word.

I sometimes question if I'm in the right class for FACLERN. Sometimes, it's a different angle but I still learn new things. It's just that I haven't fully grasped whether what we're doing is really in connection to what we're supposed to do in the course. Are we still warming up? I don't think so. The discussion today was rather funny. From an environmental view, things just went to the topic of sex. It's funny how conversations just drive you miles away from a topic. But I totally get Sr. Yasa's point in how she connects our reports to what we're sharing. I actually like FACLERN. I've never recited or speak up like that in my other classes. I don't know maybe I'm just comfortable that we're only 14 in the class and that each student is given a chance to recite. I actually like the idea of having a few people in class. P'wede na din. But my other friends disagree. Well, what the heck. Next term, I'm planning to be a loner again. I just enjoy it. I meet different people and I listen.

I actually got it wrong. I wasn't sure a while ago if what I've read was 90% or 10% but when I looked at the website again, it was in fact 90 percent. You won't get what I mean. If you're so that curious you could look into this website: About.

My dad left for Australia yesterday. He's gonna be there for a conference that they have yearly. I envy dad. He has those trips and he gets to see Tito Gerry and Tita Pinky in Sydney. Darn. He's going back on Tuesday. I'm so damn proud of my dad because he officially got promoted. He's already a Supervisor. Something that he should have been promoted to a few years back but because of his lousy supervisor, it was shunned. He's coming back on Tuesday. Hehe. Yey!

Paranoid

2007-01-22T15:23:00.000+08:00

Mood: fine-r, lol
Listening to: Hysteria - Muse

~
Who says I'd quit blogging? Of course I won't. I need something like this blog to vent out my emotions or else I'd be a loon. I missed Blogger and its interface. This is my first entry for this year and so far, I'm happy with the things that's going on with this year. It's wonderful. I may have had a few disappointments but, what the heck? That's part of life's recipe.

Having to transfer to a new address is cool with me. Okay na. And I want this to be the last time that I change everything. I want to link stuffs from my previous blog to this one if I have the time na.

So, I quit the other blog. I'm not mentioning it here, 'coz I'm paranoid. Really. Sorry for that. But, I want to leave the memory of hate there and transfer to something light. Something that won't remind me of the bad. For this year, I've started to change more. People may not see it yet, but I do. For one, I've decided to lessen my partying. Before the school year started, my friends invited me to go to Ponti with them but I just excused myself from the gimmick. See? And then, for the third time this year, I've excused myself again of partying. Actually, I don't miss it. Which is good. I don't crave for it. What I crave for in every fiber of my being would be jamming and feelin' the music at some band gig. Now, that's what I miss.

So for physical changes, I have dyed my hair pink. Highlights lang. I just wanted to try it. And it turned out to be pretty good. As you can see by the picture. Sorry, 'di masyado maganda pag-tali ko ng buhok. Ganyan lang talaga.

On the other side naman, I'm currently on wardrobe overhaul. I'm so digging Chinky-eyed fashion (meaning - harajuku, layers & etc.) and Brit-Punk fashion. Ewan. I just try to integrate the two. Pero, right now, I'm more of the Brit-Punk fashion.

~
I thought I would dislike my third term. Maling akala. I'm liking it already. Sa totoo lang, I've been concentrating and really listening to my profs. I'm aiming to get a 4 this term and to be a DL again. After my math crisis last term, I'm back with a revenge. And I'm happy to say that I haven't cut my classes yet. Oh diba? Way to go for change! I'm also going to run for Patnugot ng Sining (Sining Editor) for Plaridel (the school's Filipino paper). I think I have my shots. At first, I wasn't planning to run for the EB kaso I have a lot of plans that just piles up in my mind. And Marlon has been telling me that I should run and siya daw magkakampanya sa akin. I'm flattered. Hehe. Pero yeah, I'm determined to win. Fingers crossed.

---

Guess who I saw at Market! Market! last Friday? Haha. It's Christian Bautista. Now branded jologs. LOL Whatev. Christian's hot in person.

2006-12-31T11:34:00.000+08:00

My last post for this year. No right grammars(just for an excuse? haha eat me). No right sentence structures. No no-insults. This is me ranting and me telling what happened this year. If you really feel I'm talking about you in this entry.......what gives? I don't care. If you feel bad or feel happy that I did say something...there's a page for a comment. The link's right after the post, honey. Violent reactions are welcome. Thank you :)

Dear Lxver,

Looking back at what happened this year? I had my fair share of ups and downs. It was different and I had a hell lot of fun being 16 for year '06. It was the best because I've graduated from high school and entered a new phase which is college. I've also been into fights. I've just managed to blog the whole year for 2006 since starting last 2004 (If you look at my archive but I removed it here because I don't like you to read whatevs now.) I am in love. And I don't fuckin' care if you say, "I thought you wouldn't." Because I don't care about you. That's what you know. That's what you think. That's what I made you think.

People managed to make names and tell bad stuff about me. I was judged the wrong way but I never wanted to let it get to my head. Having someone say they'd never leave you or they'd be with you is really shit. Don't say it to me, SHOW IT. SHOW IT that I could trust you and count on you. I'm tired of being too nice. Always understanding and shit. Thanks for being my friend for a term. Thanks for being my 24/7 textmate and friend for a term. JUST FOR A TERM. Thanks for not ever saying 'Hey' back or smiling when I see you OUTSIDE the office. I'm not making a big deal about this UNTIL you really told me what's the shit about. THANK YOU BECAUSE IN SOME TWISTED WAY I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU MADE HER THINK OF ME. I'm assuming. Yes, whatever. Let me continue...TELL ME WHAT YOU TYPED ON MYSPACE. It makes me laugh, really. Imagine me saying, "I'm supposed to be your best friend." If you're confused if I kept it as a secret to you, then...HOW COME YOU KEPT YOUR FLIRTING SHIT AS A SECRET? Does your conversation with our fellow "best friend" ring a bell? If it still doesn't give you any hint, try talking to him. Talking helps. He wouldn't also come back to you if you didn't drop hints that you're also interested. Bastusan lang pala nung mga panahon na yun. Thanks for reconciling with me. Even if it didn't last long, it was fine with me. Because saying sorry even if I didn't do anything just to patch up our lost friendship is fine with me. It may have never worked out now, but I guess things wouldn't be the same like two years ago. Thank you also for telling lies about me. It did make me see how much you've changed and how you turned into a very ugly monster. I saw you differently, and it's not because I AM BLINDED by your good looks, charm and my attraction for you. Back when we were friends, I BELIEVED you'd be there for me. I guess, I shouldn't have expected that you would. It sucks, right? But thanks for being there when my great grandmother died. Thanks, dude.

I am sometimes mad at myself for making wrong decisions in life. Itong post na ito ay hindi puro galit o whatev sa ibang tao. Nagkamali din ako ngayong taon. I am sorry for being a big bitch. I'm sorry if my "hirits" are below the belt. I'm sorry that I was never sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not loving you the way you'd expect me to love you back. I'm sorry for liking you. I'm sorry that I liked you. I'm sorry that I never liked you. I'm sorry that you were too drunk to even realize that I don't like you anymore. I'm sorry that you didn't expect me to be that person. I'm sorry that I could never really like you. I'm sorry that I'm judgmental. I'm sorry for making grammatical errors. I'm sorry for insulting you. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry because I regret ever knowing you. I'm sorry because you're a bitch who can't even get a hint that I'm talking about you. Kidding. I'm sorry that you're a bitch who can't seem to trust the dude who says he's always with you. I'm sorry that we're alike. I'm sorry for making wrong decisions in my life. I'm sorry if I called you "bastos." I'm sorry if I ever sent this text message to you: "Sana marunong kang rumespeto ng babae. Sana tinuruan ka ng magulang mo ng respeto." But I'm sorry that you're a bastard who's blinded by his god-complex.

I would like to thank these people who made my year. Whether you've done me wrong or I've done you wrong...Still my year isn't complete because you weren't a part of it but I'm definitely one lazy ass bitch not to mention everything, I'd list people who had popped in my head. Probably, if you feel raw that I didn't write you in here just comment. Sometimes, don't feel that you should always be thanked for something because sometimes, the impact you leave on people isn't that much. Pero dahil tamad talaga ako to name them, Thank you nalang to my groups, GSG, APP, PK, blah, blah, blah. You guys are wonderful. Thank you, 18. Thanks a lot. You made me realize things that I wouldn't have thought of. Thanks. I hope you're always happy.

Here's my farewell. Shotgun Serenade didn't last long. I hope that you're happy reading my secrets. Haha. I can't trust you now. I'm sorry, that's human nature. That's the way it goes. Sinabi nang do not read, pero you still read it. Pero it's fine. What can I do. Internet 'to. Nahanap mo siya talaga kaya nasulat mo din yung mga ganon. Don't worry, wala talaga akong nararamdaman. Hindi din ako nagpapaka-fake na sabihin na I feel sad because I lost you. Nope. Nag-pile up na nga sila kaya I can't feel sad, depressed or whatever. Since that day, I've only cried thrice. Once for the betrayal. Second, losing a friend at hindi ikaw yun, promise. And last, love. Oo, love.

A stranger who's reading this might think I have a lot of issues. Mehn, I never wished for them. I just wanna have fun and yet these shits come to me. Some arrive unexpectedly; some I did; some are just blah. It was two thousand fuckin' six, a lot of regrets, happiness, triumph, sadness, and being screwed over. And yet I'm still strong. I can't say I'm numb 'coz I'm a human being. I have feelings but still, I won't let it shake me and get me like things used to be.

You're always loved.

If we'd be friends again, things will never be the same.

How's my life losing three best friends? ~~Good.~~ Better.

Thanks to those people who made me into the person that I am today.

Fuck being nice,
Christina Shmina

2006-12-18T10:47:00.000+08:00

Oy, pare! Nasobrahan ka na ata.
Tsk.

I Hate Layout-ing

2006-12-15T16:40:00.000+08:00

Mood: cold
Listening to: How To Save A Life - The Fray

~
*I love this song*

I hate layout-ing~! It drives me nuts! I also hate Adobe Photoshop InDesign CS2! It can be a bitch at times talaga. Puteeekkk~!! It takes a lot of time for me to complete one whole section without the whole temptation thing to just leave it. I'm like uber perfectionist when it comes to those things. I want it to be concise whether it be on paper or just on the plate. Ewan, pero now I have the sudden feeling of hating everything about being a layout artist and doing the whole shit. I still want to be APP's layout artist 'coz my editor, Fritz, and I are the only ones who can do it at this time...but now, I'm losing my sanity over the damn thing! Help me!

Since I'm in the topic of Ang Pahayagang Plaridel (APP), might as well say something about it.

I've been a member of APP or Plaridel for about five months now. So far, I've learned a lot and it had me thinking of how to make Plaridel very appealing to my fellow Lasallians. I feel really happy when I see my work published. No articles, just the interface of Section B. I always promise myself that I shouldn't make errors for the next issue, and the next issue and the next issue. How many issues na ba? 6 issues - a lot of errors. Misplaced blahs, wrong info blah, text heavy blah...Ang hirap, mehn! Happy to see my work published; dismayed with errors. Yes, that's how heavy I feel. DISMAYED! I know there are a lot of rooms for improvement pero in one twisted way, napapahiya din ako. I made it, kaso it turned out to be shitty.

The people behind Plaridel, one word: MEGASUPERHYPEROKAY! I never really find them dull. I've been close to a few people. I always enjoy their company and one used to. I met people who are really true. Yes, true. I want to meet the future layout artists, writers of this publication. I wanted to stay, but would it be worth it if I leave? ...for good? I feel sad with this thought. I don't know. Should I leave or not? Ang labo, I kind of feel that my job isn't as heavy as those who write, interview and transcribe records for their article. Pero, I feel it is. I try to think that their job is more difficult than mine. But then, my brain falls over every month just to come up with something unique.

Plaridel, plaridel, plaridel. We seriously need new layout artists. Ggraduate na si Fritz. Ayoko maiwanan mag-isa! :(

Mid-Bye

2006-12-10T04:56:00.000+08:00

Mood: Fine
Listening to: 21 Things I Want In A Lover - Alanis Morisette

~
I really have to be preparing myself now. I have to leave, 'coz I'm going to Anne's surprise birthday party and to Taft. I have to pass our Tredone final exam. Anyway, last Wednesday my friends and I went to Mall of Asia or just MoA. It's near my school and Muy hasn't been there yet and it seemed like a "small field-trip." I really had fun! For more pictures, check my Multiply.

I really wanted to buy that dress and belt at Topshop even if it costs like around 2k plus. I really love it and would spend my Christmas money on that. I'm so in love with Topshop. // Manila Bay and it's sunset. I love it. It gives me a lot of time to reflect and be --- emo. JK

I won't be blogging here muna. It's not permanent. I just don't feel like blogging for now. If you want to see me blog in like a regular basis, go to my Multiply. But you better add me first 'coz it's only for my contacts. I feel so naked right now, figuratively. I feel like the only thing left for me to say stuff is my other blog - which I hope that other people won't find out. Oo nga, respeto nalang, diba Dhonnie? Thanks to Eumir and Dhonnie XD Haha. Psst, Eumir yung goats! LOL

*I was planning on going back here and blog regularly. I just found out something. It's shit.

But before I go, I want to raise out my opinion on the "Subic Rape Case-shit." I haven't raised out most of my opinions about national/local issues. I'm not fond of them because people here in the Philippines are pigs when it comes to our nation. That's another issue, btw.

What happened to Nicole was caused by her own stupidity. Honestly, she was downright stupid from the very beginning - upon getting drunk and staying alone with five men inside Neptune Club. I think this goes out to every woman who not only go to Subic but to bars as well. I have admittedly been going to bars for the sake of fun and to tell you honestly, I have never ever drank alcoholic beverages. When I went to Basement, I only drank Iced Tea. And when I was at Phi Bar, I only drank Coke. But anyway, we should keep in mind that places like these aren't always safe. There are people who would take advantage of you; be their prey. I say no when it comes to strangers offering you drinks. And I don't buy her reason that we should drink [alcoholic beverages] with someone we know and trust. Why? For even the person we trust could rape us or even take advantage of us.

Moreover, I mostly think that what happened to Suzette Nicolas aka Nicole and Daniel Smith is a hook-up gone wrong thing. It was obvious like the condom thing when she was thrown off the van. I wouldn't say this in the forum in GSG, because I think it's kinda inappropriate but I think she cried rape because she was half-conscious when the whole sex thing was going on. She wasn't satisfied with the pleasure, she wanted more. But feeling insulted of being thrown away from the van, that was probably one way to retaliate. Sheez... That's just too mean of her. And yeah, I really can see that she was used by Gabriela (a group who fights for women's rights) and other organizations who took advantage of the sudden popularity of this case. It's just that they rally because they don't want the VFA and they're just anti-American dudes.

Oh well, that's just me. And I'm not defending Smith just because he's hot, pretty or whatever. I just didn't see anything something as to nearly fair in this trial. Tsk, the mentality of a Pinoy. When the accused wasn't found guilty, it was an unfair trial. If the accused was guilty, then trial came about to be fair at all. Totally whacked!

Now there's the con-ass. Who's going to the rally? I'm not.

*Too many things in my head that I wanted to say...This will do for now. Will add.

Fifteen to Twenty-One

2006-12-04T14:10:00.000+08:00

Mood: sad
Listening to: Future - Urbandub and Dicta License

~
I was supposed to have updates for like the past months but I got really busy. I used my Multiply's blog just to release my stress and everything, leaving my Blogger to spiderwebs. Honestly, my November had its own share of happiness and sadness. Majority of my feelings would be associated with guilt, anger and wishful thinking. I don't know how things happened the way they are now. Well, starting off with a new blog, I once said in a post that I'm not afraid of saying things about my point of view. I kinda failed on that. I just wanted to keep things to myself rather than be vocal about them for a period of time. But sometimes, it's not right to just keep things inside of you for long. It's like a bomb waiting for someone or something to trigger it to explode. It sucks that things happen to me like this. College - my love for you is blind.

15 more days 'till my birthday. 21 days before Christmas and yet I never feel it rush over my veins. I'm not ecstatic about it. I'm sad that I'm spending my Christmas with pain stapled in every part of my body. I'm hurt, deeply hurt. Now those words just let a tear almost roll down my cheek. I have too much drama in me, but they just keep coming although I never wished for them. Such small things become big because of people who try to make things like an issue.

15 more days 'till my birthday. 21 days before Christmas and I feel like celebrating those two significant days would just make me forget that I have problems to face the next day after those occasions even for a day or even for a night. I'm turning 17 on the 19th...I know I should be thankful for one thing - my life. I should be thankful that the Lord still gives me strength through all those problems and sadness I've been going through since entering college. I just thank you, God dahil despite me not being the most religous person on earth, you're still there. I just feel so secure knowing that where ever I am, You're there.

Remembering my post sometime last October, I made my wishlist na. I don't think I want those material things for now...I want something different.

My Christmas Wishlist
1. A best friend.
2. Someone to love me; someone who'd see me through
3. People not seeing me with just these: $$$
4. Appreciation
5. NO MORE DRAMA IN MY LIFE.

There It Goes

2006-11-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

Mood: grumpy
Listening to: My Second Restraining Order - I am The Avalanche

~
From my Livejournal (entitled: Losing 11/09/06)

"Was that really my role in other people's lives? To always understand their shit? If that's always the impression I get, then I might as well change my attitude and be more cold than usual. I hate it that this happens to me a lot. I hate it that there are people who would take me for granted, take advantage that I am just so nice to them when deep down, I wanted to scream and resist! I am angry because I can't express what I really feel. I am trapped and yet my heart says that I should release the frustration, the anger, and the guilt. I hate it that I could only cry in a room where nobody could see and hear what's inside of me. Scream when the only thing that could hear me are those walls that keep me inside that box. I hate being this way. I hate being too nice. I hate not being able to say NO just because I can't. I wanted to resist. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

---
Happy Birthday, Ginald!!!
I love you alots! Haha. You're so the best Kuya and Daddy ever! Mwah!

Crap crap crap

2006-11-09T10:52:00.000+08:00

Mood: puzzled
Listening to: The Game of Love - Carlos Santana feat Michelle Branch

~

Happy Birthday, Charles!!

Hehe. It was good to see you a while ago. Haha. You, Eumir, and Dhonnie, Chi and Gemma~!

Photos at Munch Alley.

I'm just bummed I can't go to your bash this Saturday. Too many things to attend to like: Intercollege Volleyball shit, Sining Seminar, and our girl's night out. I wanted to sing pa naman with you guys at Providence. Kaso, you guys are going there around 4 or something...I'm probably at Eastwood at that time!

~
I'm rather sad. Thanks Katie and Rizza! I love you guys to death. Glorietta's always amazing with you guys and I trippin'. We tried this new cafe at the MRT station in Ayala a while ago. It was situated before Informatics ata. The name of the cafe was Urban Mix. I thought it was just a cheap cafe that we could try and spend our last pesos on before we go home but it was rather expensive. Almost the same price with Starbucks pero their Vanilla D'Light Latte is good din naman. Yum. Tapos food trip with Katie and Rizza's good, haha. I don't have my retainers on pala. So we had Kwek-kwek with super spicy vinegar at Balut Express and then water and a waffle to share on at Waffle Time. Rawr. Then we went home na after.

Today was a mixture of everything. I am frustrated with how life's been treating me. I try to keep everything cool lang pero sometimes it doesn't work like that. Tao din ako and I can breakdown and cry. Pero it's over now and I really hate drama especially when it comes to my life. People, you have a mouth to tell it to my face why you do things to me even if it's unfair. You have fingers to text me and tell me what's in your mind. Akala n'yo it doesn't bother me? It does even if I try not to let it in me. Hindi ako manghuhula, okay?

Screw everything that makes me feel this way. I'm not supposed to be sad in a time like this. Pero thank you pa din. I love challenges. You add spice to everything. Mwah!

Random

2006-11-05T15:34:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: Sweat The Battle Before The Battle Sweats You - Cute Is What We Aim For

~
Filipino college students have their NSTP's. Well, I'm currently taking C2 with my block and sometimes it's a big hassle. S'ympre do you even feel like helping when you're not even willing? Pero, I treat each session as a morning hassle at the same time a hot-learning experience. Matiaga ka dapat.

I'm currently tutoring a 6th grader. She's not as good as I expect her to be. Nalaman ko rin naman why. Teachers don't pay attention to her and super half day talaga siya or less. So how do you learn? So juggling Math and English together for 3 hours? Lots of patience talaga. Sometimes Lovely doesn't get it right away. I feel frustrated sometimes even if the things and techniques that I teach her are the easiest na (especially Math). I don't know if I don't motivate her enough. I give prizes and give her appreciation and recognition naman. Pero kanina when we took the post-diagnostic test she was rather lazy than patient.

And I'm never ever showing them my iPod again. Mag-aaway lang ang magkakapatid dahil sa Parachute. Haha. Lawrence was cute 'coz he was listening to my mp3s of Eraserheads. He was singing it and knew the lyrics by heart and he's like what? 9? Of course, Eraserheads is a popular band - no wonder. Remembers one instance...NVM.

So yeah, I found out also that the group that handles this NSTP-CWTS is asking for mothers/parents to pay five pesos every week to them. Which was so odd because I don't think that they really need to pay. I asked Nanay Brenda why they (the group of bitches) told them to pay every week and she said, it is for their ballpens and photocopying things and supplies. I really don't get the point, eh. Sure, the group doesn't have a lot pero I don't think that's the whole reason of it. Ewan. Sabog ako ngayon so nvm muna.

In any case, dumaan kami ulit sa aking wall. Well the kids wanted to. Hehe. Here's the pic:

Uh-huh. Name below is the name of my crush.

Three Saturdays ago, we took the short cut to go to the Sports Complex of Kamarin and I was really surprised to see it. It was some grafitti that we spotted while walking. Haha. I took a picture of for remembrance. Haha.

~
SPO Cup din today. Yey, Plaridel won! Next week championship na. Yey, yey! Naabutan ko lang ay Basketball and got to watch Best [Mike] play and the other members of Plaridel din. Sayang la daw si...*ehem, ehem* Tambak ang Malate by blah blah points. Tamad ako mag-Math pero the final score was: 70-57. So go figure, b! Hekhek.

My Saturday's an uber long day. Tama ang song for me. Sweat. Shit.

[While telling my sister about the word simple.]
"The only time you'll see the word Tina and simple together is when the word isn't is between them." -Cosma LOL (Mocking what Cosmo said to Wanda about Timmy)

[Mis]Adventures

2006-11-04T11:12:00.000+08:00

Mood: alright
Listening to: You're A God - Vertical Horizon

~
It's good to be back and blogging. I haven't blogged for ages and I only had like two entries for October. If I didn't lose my Internet connection, I could've shared a lot of stories that has happened to me. Well, October was really great. Really really great.

Being 16 and underage, I partied and danced the night away in a bar. (Yeah, loser daw sabi ni Rizza. Tina Meets World daw palagi.) It was Phoebe's debut together with her friends Mara and Annika. It was so much fun but to everyone's surprise I didn't drink alocholic beverages. Sorry, hanggang Coke lang. Katie, Mica and Rizza were laughing at me because we were at the bar na and when the bartender asked what I wanted, I told him "Coke, please." Sorry, I'm not an easy victim for peer pressure. I was really thinking if I should or should not try like the Kamikaze or Singapore Sling. But I'm happy I stuck with Coke. And besides, even if my parents were like expecting me to drink, I told them I won't.

I one said in my post that I don't dance to freaky dicky hiphop music. That night, I did. At first I was hesistant to dance but I was even the one who invited Muy and the others who were at our table to dance nalang. Asa bar tayo, so what else do we need to do aside from drinking, right? It was fun and I think we were dancing for more than an hour or something. The party was bitchin' and my blockmates and I have a plan for a girls night out at Eastwood. Haha, my craving will be satisfied on the eleventh. Rawr.

Rizza, Phoebe (debutante), Katie and I in our glittery masks.Bianca, Katie and I. Luvvin' it at Phi Bar.
~
I met up with my high school barkada last October 22. I really missed them a lot and it was the only time that we could be together. Well...almost. Pam and Jhay couldn't make it so it was only the six of us who met up at Starbucks at G4.

It was good to see them. Kasi, we really don't talk like talk. So, Anne and I planned this so we could catch up on each other's shit. So yun, masaya. We went to Island Photo, Wendy's and ikot sa Glorietta. I miss those days were we always talk and talk and talk sa CSR corridors. Hayy.

--
Sige will do something pa.

Back

2006-11-02T13:54:00.000+08:00

Yes, give me love people. I'm back. I just found out that I got my Internet connection back. So, I also found out that my last post wasn't really "posted" in my blog. It's kinda weird and too long to explain. I'm just happy that I got my connection back. Ooohh love. Hehe.

So maybe I'll just fill this space up with pictures. I love pictures. Haha. Or maybe not. I don't know. Just watch out if you must. Boo, may classes tomorrow.

How's It Going?

2006-10-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

Mood: stressed
Listening to: Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I'm currently using my Dad's laptop and his Internet Connection using his cell phone. So how's my life been? I've been pretty much busy with school and all the shit that I'm working on. Seriously, I still want to be in the Dean's List again this term. I'm really working on trying to balance my social life, studies, and extra-curricular activities.

I've been partying, studying, and working. I'm not complaining because I love everything that I do. There's nothing to regret since I chose it. Oh well.

--

Life has been treating me very right...well sometimes NOT.

I had this incident in Gokongwei last Friday that I tripped in going up the stairs. My very weak ankles really failed me again. I had an incident in the MRT station in Guadalupe one time where I *gulps* almost tripped. It was so embarassing. But this one, too is so embarassing because Rizza told me that nobody saw it. Yeah, like fk. Of course, people from Gokongwei did. The one's who were at the second floor. (Take note, I didn't trip going down but going up.) Well, I just had to share it. Just so you know that it's something laughable.

Dear Lovers,

Don't worry I'm going to get my Internet Connection sometime this week or
probably mid-November. Smart has problems with their data base or something. But
I will be visiting your blogs once I get a decent Internet connection. I promise
that to you guys.

Love,
Tabs

--

Yanyan is love. Mwah!

Internet Deprived

2006-10-12T07:42:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at Netopia right now. Smart Bro's antenna was smashed, fell over; whatev because of typhoon Milenyo. I can't update as often as before but I will be posting pics of what happened to me for the past two weeks.

Due to the typhoon, we had to suffer 9 days without electricity. It was really tough for me since the only time that I get to experience a brownout lasts only for 2 days. During the first night, it was cold and tolerable. I love getting cold. I just love it. The second day was unbearable. The third day drove me nuts! I couldn't possibly sleep because I woke up every hour just to ventilate myself. The succeeding days were okay because I got used to the whole thing. Thanks to my dad's inverter I didn't have to suffer those long dark nights. My dad bought ceiling fans for us which he connected to the inverter. Thank God! Really, I thought I wouldn't last the whole thing. Thankfully, I became patient with the whole ordeal. So now, I have to wait for Globe, Smart whichever who can give the service faster to repair or install their connection again. I really do hope that I'll have an I/E connection sometime this week. It's really hard to do stuff without I/E.

Hmm, today was really fun. I got a video of him inside the office, eh. Thanks to Quincy. Shit ka Quincy! Haha!

I got my mom's P910i. At first I wasn't used to the whole thing dahil it appeared that it wasn't that "user-friendly." But now I got used to it and I'm so lovin' it. I got 7 pictures of him na. Puro stolen shots. Kanina nga, I was like trying to be brave and say, "Picture tayo ****" Kaso being the shy girl that I am, hindi ko na tinuloy. Sabi ni Rizza and landi ko daw. Leche ka Rizza! Pinagkakaisahan mo nanaman ako. LOL

I just got here because we had an observation for ECEDOBS. Dun kami sa playground in Glorietta. Ang cute nung bata. Chinito, hehe.

Malas, Cruelty, Kilig, Fun

2006-09-27T10:55:00.000+08:00

Mood: tired
Listening to: Karma Police - Radiohead

~
Disclaimer: Don't bore yourself to death. But if you choose to do so, okay lang. :D

A lot of things has happened over the weekend and plus Monday and today, Tuesday and last Wednesday. I don't know but I guess I'll "try" to sum things up because I liked what happened and of course I'm itching to write and hear my fingers type up the things that I wanted to share to anyone who's reading this piece right now.

Malas

Ate Gemmie has endorsed Plaridel's September ish to Mang Fred (like I even know him). But still, there were mistakes from the caption to the jump pages in Section A that we had to call him up because we don't want Brother Armin sending us a letter that he's no activist or something. That would really hurt considering he's the president of the school. I hope the changes were already made so that Sir Correa would say that we didn't do any typos or other things :D

I started doing the layout last Sunday. My aim was to finish it on the morning of Saturday so I have a lot of time to finish my other school work and I'm also going to school because of our NSTP at aalis din ako kasama sila Miki. But I was struck by that thing called 'malas'. After my affair with my mom and sister at Powerplant, I immediately installed my InDesign CS2 in my PC, but seeing there's no serial number with the case and everything, I tried to go to a Crack Generation site...After that I got fuckin' five Trojans to mess my whole night. It's fuckin' nuts, man! I had to scan and do a lot of shit just to secure my very sensitive PC. I have McAfee and I fuckin' think it's weak like poop.

Procrastiation is something I'm slowly trying to erase in me, but that happened last Sunday. Arghness. I slept at 2am just to finish the whole layout for Section B. Ang hirap, pare! Sa susunod ayoko na mag-long breaks. Hindi ako nakatulog ng mabuti. I'm excited to see the final output of our work on paper. Proud ako s'ympre because I did one whole section :)

I also went to Cartimar today, natisod ako. Which makes it all bad talaga. Shit, pare! I was walking along the street in Libertad tapos sabay kahiya talaga. Ouch nun. 'Wa poise. Tapos I cut PRN din just to buy the fishes for OBS, shit. I missed a quiz pa. Actually, Rizza and I did. Arghness. Malas! Malas! Halong malas.

Cruelty

"Fishes have lives, too. I'm not sure with the soul-thing."

Pierre, Yoa and I have been pretty sadistic today. I bought four Fighting fishes to school for my ECEDOBS (Observational Studies) class. We had the Fighting Fish experiment. After class, I went immediately to the SPS building, because (with high hopes, haha!) I wanted to see... NVM. I cut TREDONE because I can't stand the noise and the boring-ness of the subject. 'Wag niyo ako gayahin sa pag-cut! Bad yun. Haha!

Before Pierre and Yoa arrived at the office, we (Fritz, Jared, Marlon, and I plus Maine papala) had the two Fighting Fish fight. It was fun! Talk about seeing those fishes kill each other to death (yeah they do that). I had them named as Totoy Bibo and Boy Bawang. I'm pretty much entertained with it. Waa. Sadista. Totoy Bibo died first and Quincy and I flushed him at the men's CR.

When Pierre and Yoa arrived the "sadistic" thing started already. I don't want to fully elaborate because it can gross someone out. Viv was almost in tears because of what Pierre and Yoa was trying to do with Boy Bawang. They painted him gold and stapled him to the paper so Boy Bawang won't jump or anything.

Before I went home today, I had Quincy escort me again to the Gent's CR to flush Boy Bawang. And I caused a stir at the Men's comfort room.

Kilig

I had my first kilig moment with the dude just last Friday. Missed trains, talks, iPod sharing, music talks, complimenting footwear, laughing and all that shit. Haha! Mike knows who he is and also Quincy. Takot ako kay Del, 'coz she's so intrigued. Waaaa...

I didn't see him today. Okay lang. I'm not going to be obsessed about this guy. Quiet nalang ako. Hehe.

Fun

Last Wednesday, my college barkada and I went out to watch a movie. We watched John Tucker Must Die. It was good at first but it faltered at the end of it. Yeah, sure it's about getting even and being honest and shit but wouldn't it be nice if John just pursued Kate just to prove how true he was. But still, it's the Hollywood shit thing. Tsk

Muy, Mica, Phoebe, Ako, Katie and Rizza at Food Choices.

After months of not seeing, well kinda a week but still, I haven't seen these guys in a long time and I totally miss them! And there are people who haven't seen my new do yet so I showed up. We went to Miki's house to discuss about the Uniform Photoshoot that we will be having. I planned that my uniform style will be the grungy type meets Victorian style. Weird, right? I know. I'll scan it when I'm done doing it. Haha! I hope this turns out to be great. I really do hope it will and I'm so excited for it.

Waa, ang payat na ni MM (white shirt, question mark) ngayon sobra! Maglalagay nga ako ng before and after pictures niya para makita niyo ang difference.

Ang shitty ng pag-upload ng photos sa Blogger. Hindi ako makapag-upload, shiat!

Weight check: I lost two pounds already. Rawr. I love doing this shit. Haha!

Mom on the Radio

2006-09-22T13:40:00.000+08:00

Mood: accomplished
Listening to: We Make The Road By Walking - The Juliana Theory

~
At last, I have a new layout. It's black and simple. That picture of me in the layout is my favorite at this moment and I so loved that dress. It's so me. I'm really accepting a lot of work for the past week. I'm happy that there are people who appreciate my work and it makes me happy and want to excel more in my small time hobby of making webgraphics and stuff.

Plaridel has an emergency layout thing tomorrow and I'm staying after my last class at Burgundy. We need to release by next week and finish the layout this Saturday. Rawr. More work the less I forget about the dude. Thank goodness. But I'm not stressing myself too much. I want tiME.

A few hours ago, our Dad went to the Study Room and told us that our Mom was on the radio. I thought he was kidding but Daddy's smile was pretty convincing enough that he wasn't joshing around. So, I went to the living room and right there, I heard my mom's voice being interviewed by the radio jock on 1530 kHz. I felt proud, of course. It's not everyday that your mother gets interviewed because of her profession and what she knows.

My mother is a cardiologist, so if you happen to have heart ailments you go to her. Don't forget to bring food, it's for me when I wait up in the clinic for ages. JK. Well, I never knew that she'd be interviewed tonight. She never mentioned anything about it in the car when she dropped me off at the Guadalupe MRT Station. My mother always surprises me. She's been heard and seen by the media and other people before but she's not as well known as Calayan or Belo. *cough, cough* She had this stint on the Doctor Is In show at RPN 9 where she was interviewed again for 4 times, I guess. In those times, I wanted to watch it everytime and just admire how my mother answers the hosts' questions. It was a proud moment for me and I was excited for her then. It is so nice that people get recognize for something that they love to do.

The Master's bedroom was closed and I placed my ear on the door to hear my mom talk while the middle-sorta-old-aged-jock was listening and all the listeners of the program. I went back to the living room and tried to hear everything what my mom is saying. I never understood anything because I never took any chance of knowing some medical terms. The only words that I understood were: cardiac, ailments and other Tagalog terms. When the interview was finished, I went to their room and hugged my mom. I really am proud of her. She answered the questions really well and straight (even if I didn't understood some terms).

Haha, I'll be next. You'll see me on TV flaunting my Gucci dress, Prada bag and my very hot boyfriend. Just kidding. Not a Paris Hilton clone. Yuck.

The Weight Issue

2006-09-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

Mood: curious
Listening to: Thoughts of A Dying Atheist - Muse

It's raining outside and I'm enjoying the feeling (and no it's not because another one of those emo-shits). How do I start with this crapiece? I've done nothing but eat for the past weeks which is sad because I'm trying to do my best to be anorexic... just kidding. I'm trying to control my gluttonious splurge because I'm on a bet with my cousins that I and them can lose a lot of pounds on January the first. What's the price? Well, we're thinking of thousands (just enough for our budget) because it's a big sacrifice that we're making (yes, trying to control yourself of not eating that beautiful cheesecake).

I'm currently 101 pounds, alarmingly chubby, arm circumference is 10 ½ inches, waist line is 26 inches when I've already eaten dinner; 25 when I haven't eaten anything and 24 ½ when I don't breathe so I'd still have "the figure"; 19 ½ inches of pata, err, I mean that's my thigh's size and the only parts of my body that are thin are my wrists, 5 ½ only. Aren't you gross out already?

So what's up with the measurements?

I wanted to reduce those. I'm overweight for my height. Yes, I'm petite so don't say that I'm not overweight. I've become chubby not mainly because of depression or anything like that but because I've excessively eaten because of a trip to the US last year. Everywhere we go back there, we eat. I love to eat but when you're in the US, the servings are humungous. Our Yum burgers are nothing to the ones they have at BK, and our porkchops would look scarily anorexic when you put those beside the ones they have at Joe's.

When I came back to the Philippines, I was already 110 pounds (100 before) and lost 5 pounds two weeks after coming back with a lot of determination to lose weight. Over my stay at Los Angeles and Chicago, I didn't really sweat that much. Which was also one way of releasing the stuffs in your body, err, just something I've watched in Knowledge Channel. Before I went to the US, I only had an average body and I didn't even care if I wasn't thin, slim, skinny, whatev. I know they say love your body, but I can't help but be concious once in a while. But I'm trying to erase that because it's not about what other people think in the first place, I have a different outlook anyway.

My family is under a diet care of my mom's watchful eyes. Since my dad had his bypass operation, we have to abide by it. Surprisingly, I've lost a few pounds. But when I'm not at home, I cannot simply resist the urge to buy and eat those fatty foods. They're too hard to resist. And now, I don't get any satisfying results whatsoever. So now, with a very nice schedule for the term, I'm going to exercise more, eat the right kind of food and hopefully, this will continue for like forever~!

So let's all stay healthy. Anorexia and bulimia won't do any good and if you're petite, what are the chances of even getting tall for like a few inches? I know I still want to grow taller and I should do it the most healthy and effective way. Skipping your meals would just cause you ulcer and bad stuff. So good luck to me, I hope I get the result that I wanted and I hope this healthy-thing will continue for a long time.

Haha. Rigmarole.

First Impressions

2006-09-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

Mood: twisted
Listening to: Emergency - I Am The Avalanche

~
I said before in my past entry that I didn't like my MATAPRE (Math) professor, those are gone now. She was nice and that the terror impression was gone. The 'masungit' factor of her during our first meeting was changed. She was really nice. So much for labelling and stuff, that wasn't right. We judged our professor right away. It was just the first meeting and we had a bad impression of her and now it was changed. I don't believe that first impressions lasts. Like for one instance, a close friend of mine first thought of me as "suplada", "maldita", and "masungit" but he said, "Nagkamali lang pala ako."

First impressions... What are people's first impression/s of you?

Here are the impressions that people think of upon seeing me:
1. Madlita
2. Suplada
3. Quiet
4. Shy
5. Not interesting

It's so fun to prove other people wrong. I like the way that I get close to them and have 'em tell their first impression of me. It's always there. Once we meet people we have this certain vibe of them. But still, even if how bad our impression is of that person doesn't mean we're always right. We shouldn't let the bad thing overshadow anything to know the person better. With those, we sometimes miss out because that person may give us an impact on our lives.

Thinking

I have released my angst enough and to me the past is just blah. It doesn't affect me much anymore but I'm satisfied to have learned something from it. I was reading Drew Arellano's advice column in one of Meg's past issues and I was struck by what he said,

"He has moved on and so should you."

True enough. Why should one stay in the past for so long? It is unavoidable to remember it, I know. I've been there. But I learned that too much of it takes away the days in my life to explore other things. I may not want a love life right now, but there are more good things out there than to be depressed with heartaches for so long. Love can make us all go crazy; make the most silly things. But our broken hearts shouldn't stop us from living and loving life.

I'm not waiting, looking, or even expecting anything. I'm just here to live every busy day that I have to make everything present worth it. It's also for the future. It's okay to mess up, but don't let it ruin you. Just be cool because when we stumble, remember to dust off the dirt and start walking again.

Haha. Rigmarole.

Doble Kara

2006-09-14T13:41:00.000+08:00

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: Plush - Stone Temple Pilots

~
It may sound weird to you that in a time that I lost my best friend, I don't feel any amount of pain or sadness. Everything's blank. I don't have the urge to cry nor scream in disappointment. No, not like that. Four years of friendship and a year of deceiving me is enough to pull the trigger of my coldness.

I never knew that our friendship would end like this.

Trust, communication, loyalty, and other stuffs related are ingridients to a good friendship. I guess that's what she and I had. That's what I also thought. And that's what I was made to believe. Trust is something that is so hard to earn. And yet, it can be gone in just a snap. Everybody knows that. I've been betrayed and cheated on but nothing can beat this from the others.

I was hurt.

I couldn't cry anymore. I've wasted away myself from all the frustration, depression, and betrayal that I've experienced for the past month. Nothing can hurt me now. Not even this. I know I sound harsh but that's what's in me now. I completely feel nothing about losing her. All the times that we have shared are lost and I don't even reminisce like others do. I don't mourn for a loss. I don't feel anything.

It came to me just last Monday that I'm slowly losing grip with my friends. It's not about trust issues or whatev. I don't know what came over me. I feel like suddenly I don't know where to be. Now, I ask myself, "Would this people be with me when I need them? Or they just say that because 'friends' should sound that way?" I have friends who broke their word with that and maybe I'd rather not let people say that to me again if they're just bound to leave me hanging in the air again. If they say they will be with or there for me, I hope they do and show it. I don't need a fair-weathered friend.

I don't want to talk about how we separated ways because I don't want to go back to that anymore. I learned alot from this experience. I just hope that the friends I have now wouldn't leave me.

Second Term

2006-09-12T12:31:00.000+08:00

Mood: okay
Listening to: 3rd Measurement in C - Saosin

~
First class for the second term, I was marked late. Unbelievable. I woke up ten minutes before six, the earliest time I woke up. I need to hurry up because in seventy minutes I need to be in school, specifically the seventh floor of the Sports Complex - one of the farthest buildings in La Salle.

Our PE? Volleyball. I had really high hopes that the block's FWTEAMS would be basketball. But it wasn't. It was still okay with me since I can do a little of Volleyball. I play with my batchmates back in my high school days. Now, well.. We'll see if I can still get the hang of it. Goodbye to playing basketball for the term. *sighs*

I was really observing the whole day. Observing new teachers and new classmates for certain courses. I have Chemistry (after PE and a break) which looks like it's easy because I scanned her syllabus and I know that I am safe. Our teacher was nice even if I'm really irritated with how my blockmates can be really rude infront of our professors. I'm seated at the back unfortunately. The noise was really distracting and I don't think I'd be able to learn with that. I can't possibly change my seat because the seat plan was finalized. So good luck to me, Katie, Muy and Martie.

Child and Adolescent Development (CHDODEV) class was okay, too. I really do hope we'd get to have storytelling as our final project. It would be really really really fun. I love telling stories! Rawr! And the last one was College Algebra (MATAPRE), the !#$%&^%*&^( course is !#$%&^%*&^( nuts! And to think that, we also have a boring professor. There was no fun at her tone at all and she didn't even introduce herself to us! *boo, pfft* She's really, hmm, how can I explain this? She's really...I can't seem to find the word. But I do hope you get the picture. I hope this won't crush my run for another DL hope. I'm going to die if I get a low grade from her.

I sound boring today. I don't know, maybe it's because of all the lack of sleep I get. I've had troubles with sleeping, really. I haven't felt even the slightest bit of being sleepy for the term break. I just force myself to sleep because my body says, yes and my mind is telling me, no. Of course, the answer to the question:

I think a lot before I got to sleep.

It drives me fuckin' nuts that I have a huge imagination. Not that I'm thinking of a particular person but there are so many people involved. I count to ten and get distracted again. Another thought pops out and I'd be under it's spell. Somehow, I just wish those would just show up in LaLa land because I'd enjoy it. And of course, dreams are so unpredictable. I love twists.

I'm going to have a new layout. Snaps for me :)

Phase Number One

2006-09-11T12:03:00.000+08:00

Mood: bored
Listening to: Time Is Running Out - Muse

~
I went to Mica's debut yesterday. She looked really pretty and I liked the theme and all. It was my first time to wear the vintage dress that my mom bought me at Sari-Sari store last January. I loved it the first time I saw it. And it's one of my best dress - ever!

So, I went to Mica's debut armed with a new haircut and a dress that really suits me. I sat with my other blockmates not far away from the entrace of the clubhouse. Rizza looked fabulous in her red tube dress. I like it, too. I was Mica's proxy-treasure. Grace couldn't make it so Mica asked if I could be her treasure and I gladly accepted it. I like that there were bands playing for her debut. One was from Ateneo and the other was from her high school, Poveda. It was really nice to be there and spend time full of trippings with my friends. I was really happy to see them since it's been like a week or two since I last saw them. Today is Mica's birthday, by the way.

Happy Birthday, Mica!
(Kahit hindi mo makikita 'to, lol)

Change is Love

Now, you know that I have a new look. Yeah, I decided to cut my hair really short. I like it and I accept and did I say like? No, I love my new hair. It made me look younger. It's part of the change that I want everyone to see. Not that I'm screaming for attention but this is me now.

Accept it or not, I wouldn't care. (Yes, how cliché.) But of course, my world shouldn't revolve around on what other people may think. It's not supposed to be like that. Life would be really ugly if I keep on listening to how I'm supposed to be. We are all unique, they all say. Yes, and no I'm not conforming to the trend of deviance, I'm just simply being me. I'm being honest to myself. For once in my life, I don't want to be anyone's shadow. I don't want to be just somebody's "best friend." I'm standing out. I'm blooming into this person that I wanted to be and not because it's some silly trend. I don't want to fall into conformity's hands.

I welcome change with arms wide open. I'll let people judge me and I'll shrug it off. Whisper behind my back and waste your salivas. This is me. Who are you to say that I should be normal like you? To me this is normal. Change is normal. Go figure.

Chris is refurbished. LOL

The Taste of Freedom

2006-09-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

Mood: relieved
Listening to: Sidewalks - Story of the Year

~
I decided to move. F u n k i d e l i c has been my blog for about a year now. I thought I wouldn't move out but I have to. I love the name and everything that I put into it but the problem is I've had people who know me read it. Confusing? Hmm... I don't want to be selfish of what happens in my life but sometimes, I just want them to find it out from me personally and not from some dumb 'ol webpage. Wouldn't it be nice if I tell things personally? It's easy to pretend here. Don't ask, but I know that there are times that I tried to conceal my true emotions because I don't want my friends to worry or think that I'm depriving them of stories to tell because I'm silent about it.

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with reading my thoughts but overly reminding me of what I've written in the past that is certainly not your business makes me want to scream at you. Yes, I appreciate the fact that you read what I've written, but when I'm not talking about it and you're not part of that situation don't force yourself into it. I hate it. It's also the past. Don't act like you really know me just because you read what I've posted. I'm moving with my Archives here that I will transfer probably this weekend. I love my blog because it is my other half; my outlet of emotions. I'm sad that I have to leave F u n k i d e l i c.

Why Shotgun Serenade?

Considering the things that has happened to me, the song is just all about forgetting. I need to forget every amount of hurt, betrayal and coldness that I have in me. It's not just about my love life it's also my current state. It's a song by The Juliana Theory, and when I heard of it, I could really say "What the fuck? That's my song." But yeah, there're still other songs that speaks about my love life like, A Day Late by Anberlin, Someday We'll Know by The New Radicals, I Alone by Live and to even add I'm Not Missing You by Stacie Orrico.

You're just a waste of a song. You're a simple regret. I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast I forget.

Created for Strangers

I created my new space for people who don't know me and for myself, as well. (And selected close friends that I usually tell my stories to) I would rather let you read what's on my mind, what goes on my day and whatev. Nothing in here's meant to please you. I'm here to tell everything without being shy about the whole matter. In here, I know I can express my real emotions. Enough with the fakin'. It's not me. So welcome me, bitches! This is my new home with you as my neighbors.

Love is Yuck

2006-09-07T03:00:00.000+08:00

Mood: disgusted
Listening to: 12:51 - The Strokes

"Ayoko na. Sawang-sawa na ako~!!"

Manhid.
I'm not going to cry anymore about boys and love. I'm not going to feel hurt because of boys and love. I've lost my whole hope about this whole thing.

~
Kung meron kang mahal at hindi mo naman alam ang nararamdaman niya sayo, dapat turuan mo ang sarili mo maging rational.

Kasi kung hindi ka ganon, magbibigay ka ng kahulugan sa mga bagay na hindi naman talaga ganon...

Makakakita ka ng mga signs na wala naman.

Makakaramdam ka ng pagmamahal na ilusyon mo lang naman pala...

Mahirap yun...

Gabi-gabi, maiisip mo siya, at kung iniisip ka rin niya. ang totoo naman, ikaw lang ang nag-iisip... siya naman, mahimbing na ang tulog. Iisipin mo kung kumain na ba siya...

Kung ayos lang ba siya... Pero siya, iniisip niya kung ano ba ang magandang palabas sa tv... o anong laro sa ps2 ang lalaruhin niya mamaya...

Bago ka matulog, ipagdadasal mo na sana lagi siyang ligtas... At sana mahalin ka niya katulad ng pagmamahal mo sa kanya.

Pero pag gising mo bukas...

Ganon parin ang mundo...

Hindi parin kayo..

Malungkot ka parin... at ikaw lang ang nagmamahal...

IKAW LANG.

Kapag alam mo na walang pag-asa, wag ka na magpumilit...

Kasi sa huli...

Ikaw lang ang masasaktan...

Ikaw lang ang umasa sa wala...

Nagmuka ka pang gago.

~

The APP Mid-Year

2006-09-05T08:33:00.000+08:00

Mood: okay
Listening to: Seven Years - Saosin

~
Finally, I've updated this blog. Well, I was a bit tired, well not really, but pretty much sleepy from Plaridel's Midyear Outing. It was really fun and I'm excited for the year-end which is after the third term. Nyak! I hope my parents will permit me because a.) They're going to the States without me and I deserve a good vacation, too; b.) I bet there's nothing to do once summer hits. It's for the sake of fun and bonding right? Although I really wish I'd go to Chicago and Florida next March with them. Darn it! I keep ranting about their trip to the States. I feel bad. *boo* And my sister keeps on rubbing it on my face that I can't go with them.

So where was I for the weekend? APP went to Ciudad Christhia, 9 Waves Resort in San Mateo, Rizal. When I saw the place and the pools, I was excited to go for a dip. And yes, I was also excited for the activities that we were about to do for the day and for the next day.

We had the Amazing Race thing and we won second place for that, but on the over-all games we were the third runner-up. We also had our cheering competition and Sining was also in third place. We had a cool cheer, hehe. Fritz Day High! :D

After the cheering competition, we were at the big pool were the waves were at. It looked like we wouldn't want to go out of the pool unless we get to 'experience' the 9 waves of this resort. 9 Waves nga, eh. It lasted for 15 minutes and nabusog ako sa tubig. Nyaha!

We stayed at the pool ng mga quarter to twelve ata. That long, huh. After we took a bath, Mike, JP, Joel and Fritz went to play billiards. Maine and I followed. We sang nalang kasi there's a videoke machine there. Hehe. I sang Pare Ko by Eraserheads. Sympre nagwala ako at nakikanta din sila Joel. The score I got was 98, lol. Pero yun first part ng song si Joel yung kumanta. After an hour, we went back to our rooms kaso masyado pang maaga. Hindi ako nakatulog kaagad dahil I really don't want to sleep din pa. Whatever happened nun from like 1am to 4am, sa mga nakakaalam nalang siguro. I don't want to give away anything. :)

For more pics visit my Multiply account.

And yeah, this trip made me forget about the things that has happened. Mike, Quincy and I have our lovelives written on Quincy's notebook. It's like a timeline of our ups and downs, kilig moments and break-ups. Natuwa ako 'coz it released me from the stress of thinking too much of what has happened to me. Thank God ginawa ko yun. And I really thank Mike, Quincy and Maine for their advices. lablablab.

--
My sister's out of town. She has her retreat which I miss about high school. I don't know kung saan yung retreat but it's in Tagaytay. At least for two nights solo ko yung kwarto, rawr!

Natambakan nanaman ako ng gagawin for this week. It's not that I'm complaining pero I love the fact that I'm working and not slacking off. Although it is stressing, I really don't mind.

Things to do for this week:
1. Do EDGE 2006's website with Phoebe.
2. Participate in the Logo Making Contest for EDGE 2006 (dahil sabi ni Phoebe)
3. Finish the layout for section description for our Yearbook.
4. Get Amanda's report card on Friday.
5. Go to Phoebe's place on Saturday.
6. Attend Mica's debut.

Charted na. So techinically, I cannot be disturbed for this week. Isa lang ang day-off ko which is Mica's debut. My divisoria trip is cancelled din. Okay lang, I'm going naman there sometime in November.

Ciao!

DL-icious

2006-09-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

Mood: hap/py, gets ba?
Listening to: A Promise - Chicosci

~
I got my course card already. Thank the Lord, I passed everything! I was so close from having my DL dreams bit to dust. My GPA is 3.18, hindi ko alam kung magiging 3.2 yan or what basta I'm happy that I'm a dean's lister. This is a big start for me. I'll continue to be better with my academics and enjoy every minute of it.

I have this sudden frustration with EDTECH1. I cannot believe that I got a 3 instead of a 3.5 or even a 4. I know I've done very well with that subject because I aced her tests (with me being the only one to get a perfect score in the quiz and having a grade of 98 in our last one). What the eff? I couldn't possibly get a 4 with this subject because of an issue we had with her before. I'm effing dismayed because I know I really did very well. Even my blockmates were "shocked" to find out that I only got a three instead of a four or even a 3.5.

Fat chance pa ako makakuha ng 4 in most of my subjects. I don't attend my classes sometimes. Ehe! Next time, I'll try my best no to cut cut cut!

Haayy. Dibale na. I'd do better in ECEDOBS to prove her (she's also my prof in that subject) that I can do better.

Here are my grades:
ECEDCHD - 3.5
INPSYCO - 3.5
FWDANCE - 3.5
EDTECH1 - 3.0
ENGLCOM - 3.0
ECEDFND - 3.0 (nobody got a 4)
LBYENVP - 3.0
NSTP-C1 - 3.0 (di kasama sa academic units)
SCIENVP - 2.5 (hate this!)

I think almost all of Block 1 are dean's listers. Pati din pala si Best Mike DL!! Way to go, Best! Naks naks naks!

~
I'm out for two days pala. Ang Pahayagang Plaridel has a Mid-year outing and I'm going, too. Yes! My first college outing. LOL We're going to 9 Waves at Rizal. Okay, I'm going now. May feast (as in handaan) din dito, haha! Sakto.

ParaKiss

2006-08-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

Mood: addict-mode
Listening to: Taralets - Imago

~
I've decided to read a manga. Pretty unusual since I'm not "really" an anime fanatic or whatev. I used to be, back in my 6th grade or was it in my freshman year in high school? Or was it in my first year in high school that my liking for anime crashed or sophomore year? Well, clueless. The last anime that I really fancied an anime was just last year and it was Naruto. Who wouldn't? My favorite characters are Naruto and Rock Lee. I don't see the point of liking Sasuke! Hmpf. LOL Don't flame, haha!

So yeah, my term break has started and I've been looking for things to do here at home. Well, I only have three things done for today (since I'm on house arrest). I slept, ate and watched TV and movies. Not bad? Well, it is. I need to find something like amusing. I'm thinking of a new theme for my next layout. My next photo op would probably be this week.

And then, it came to me...Paradise Kiss + Read Manga = Addiction.

What a nice equation.

So what's the story of ParaKiss? Well, it's basically about luvvvv and all that shit. No, well - yes! Uhmm, it's driving me nuts! Why can't I make a good synopsis on this one? Hmm, okay let me take a shot. Yukari Hayasaka is a student who's in the run of getting into a good college. The pressure's with her parents because they say that if she doesn't get into a good college then she's nothing. The story starts with her being chased by Arashi who tells her that she's what they were looking for in a model. Thought about being raped, she then runs from him and suddenly bumps into Isabella, a transgendered dude who has this look of mysticism. She then was 'captured' and then faints and then finds herself waking up at the Paradise Kiss Studio.

In the studio, she met Miwako, Arashi's girlfriend. They told her that they were students of the unique art school of Yazawa Guken and they asked her if they could be their model for the school's annual fashion show. Of course, Yukari thought of them as freaks and angirly declines the offer, leaves the studio and dropped her handbook.

And if it weren't for that handbook or that meeting he wouldn't meet George (who is a total hottie, btw). Yukari was obviously swept of her feet with George because she constantly thinks of him and all.

So do you get the picture? Haha. I'm not good with this one and I'm off to reading Volume 2 already. All thanks to Nicole!

Yey! My supposed-to-be post was moved for tomorrow. I just want to tell about my current manga-love. I'm officially a Paradise Kiss fan!

~
Plans for the sembreak (and no one could ever get on the way with this one)
Sept 1 - 2 -- APP Midyear Teambuilding Seminar (in other words - outing, jk)
Sept 3 - Go to the International Book Fair with Mom and Amanda
Sometime between Sept 4-8 -- Out for DV
Sept 9 - Mica's Debut

Things I've done or will be doing this sembreak:
[x] Siesta
[x] Milo-drinking marathon
[x] Read Paradise Kiss
[ ] Photo-op for next layout, hahaha
[ ] Outing
[ ] Spread love

Oo nga pala, Happy Birthday Martin!! Ang aking katangi-tanging Bavarian Cream!

DV

2006-08-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

Pakiramdam: medyo pagod
Pinakikinggan ang: Burnout ng Sugarfree

~
Sinong marunong pumunta
Pwede ba 'kong sumama sa
Divisoria
Dv!

Galing akong DV! Galing sa 168 Mall. Sa totoo lang, feeling ko kapwa Intsik o Koreano o Hapon lang ang magkaka-gusto sa ilang mga paninda doon. Ewan ko ba. Ramdam ko kasing hindi naman "taste" ng ibang Pinoy ang mga tinda doon.

S'ympre pag-asa Divisoria ka, maraming Intsik...O kahit sinong singkit. Nahalata ko lang na ang halos alam nilang sabihin na Filipino pag napapadaan ka sa puwesto nila ay, "Ate, anong gusto mo?" at kasama na diyan ang kanilang accent.

Mura nga ba sa Divisoria? Siguro. Hindi ko masabi sa lahat, eh. Akala ko makakabili ako ng mga 3 for 100 na racerback pero hindi pala. May Get Laud! doon pero kasing presyo rin niya yung nandito lamang sa Makati. Ewan ko. Pero feeling ko mura na din yung mga nabili ko kasi galing ng Hong Kong at Korea yung mga damit na pinamili ko, eh. Ang mga original price ay 500...Nakuha ko lang ng 250 at 290 haha!

Inlab ako sa red top na binili ko. Ang ganda niya kasi. Gustong-gusto ko siya. Sino bang may party? Gusto kong suotin na.

Ang dala ko lang kanina ay P1, 600. Hindi kasi ako nakapag-ipon so bali hindi ganoon kalaki yung naipon ko.

Eto yung mga nabili ko ngayon:
Metallic bag - 250
Bangles - 60
Bracelet - 50
Skirt with Leggings - 250
Red top - 290 (orignally 500)
Sandals - 120
Food - 96
Transpo:
MRT - 21
FX - 30
Jeep - 15
Taxi - 28 (Hati kami ni Ate)
______________________
TOTAL: P 1, 210

Gusto kong bumili ng mga maskara doon yung P500. Hindi yung make-up, yung mask... Maganda ilagay sa future room ko.

Oo nga pala, ang ganda ng Manila.

Sige pagod pa rin ang legs ko. Shet.

Linggo Nanaman

2006-08-28T03:41:00.000+08:00

Pakiramdam: okay
Pinakikinggan ang: Concealer ng Thursday

~
Panget ang mga Lunes ko sa susunod na term. Pa'no? Tuwing Lunes ang pasok ko ay ala-siete ng umaga. Ayoko pumasok ng ganyan kaaga, eh. Tapos PE pa. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang PE namin pero sana Basketball. FWTEAMS kasi ang block namin ngayong term. Haayy..

Plano ng pinsan ko pumunta ng DV bukas. Gusto ko sumama. Wala lang baka may makita lang ako maganda. Gusto ko na mag-shopping. Nauubusan na ako ng damit!! Kausap ko nga sila Czar at Adiaz nung Friday, eh. Sabi niya gano'n din yung nafifeel nya. Ayan, lumalabas ang pagka ala-diva ko. Ayaw nag-uulit nang damit. Sabi nila, ganyan lang daw talaga pag frosh ka. Eh ako noon pa noh! Kaso okay nalang sa akin ngayon na umulit-ulit basta hindi every week (except sa pants). Diva, nampucha!

Wala naman panghahantungan 'tong post na 'to, eh. Halata naman. Gusto ko lang magsalitype dahil wala na talaga akong magawa sa bahay. Hindi na ako nahilig manood ng TV, pang One Tree Hill lang 'to. Nga ba? Basta, hahaba 'to ng hahaba dahil gusto ko lang magsalitype.

May inihanda na akong post para sa Lunes o Martes. Bahala na. Basta trip ko siya, eh.

1. Nagmahal ka na ba?
Ano ako gasolina?

2. May mahal ka ngayon?
Ano yan kinakain?

Waa.. Luma na 'yan eh. Eto nalang, ano ang mga magandang nangyari sa iyong buhay? (Postive naman)

1. Matanggap at makapag aral sa La Salle
2. Nang makilala ko ang PK at ang GSG
3. First Date
4. Naka gradweyt ng hay skul
5. Ako'y pinanganak.
6. Pumunta sa mga gig at minsa'y nakauwi na ng alas-dos ng umaga. Pers taym.
7. Pumunta ng EK kasama ang barkada na sobrang memorable talaga dahil sobrang bonded na tayo
8. Matanggap sa APP
9. Ma inlab
10. Nung pumunta si Rina dito sa 'Pinas.

Tae, panget. Sige na..Ikaw ano ba magandang nangyari sa iyo? As if magrereply ka. Yoko na, wala na 'tong patutunguhan. Matutulog nalang ako. Punta pa ako ng DV bukas *kanta*

Walang Lalabas

2006-08-26T12:00:00.000+08:00

Pakiramdam: okay lang
Pinakikinggan ang: What Happened To Us - Hoobastank

~
Sakto!

~
Medyo nahihirapan ako sa kalagayan ko ngayon. Kausap ko si Mike kagabi sa cell, inistorbo ko na dahil wala na talaga akong mapagsabihan, eh. Kung ano ang napag-usapan namin ni Mike, amin nalang yun. Hindi muna ako magsasalita. Ayoko munang magsalita. Mahirap magsalita sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. Mahirap dahil alam kong wala na akong laban. Nangyari na, eh.

Para nga akong sira kagabi kasi napaiyak nalang ako bigla. Ang hirap kasi pagtumatahimik na bigla nalang papasok sa isip ko yung ganoong diwa. Hindi ko naman makulit yung kapatid ko dahil tulog na siya. Kahit sinabi ni Mike na gisingin ko yung kapatid ko - hindi ko naman magawa. Mag-aaway lang kami o maiinis ko lang siya. May pasok pa kasi bukas, eh. Sa isang saglit tatawa nalang ako, pero tumutulo parin yung mga luha ko. Bipolar. Punyeta. JK Sinabi kasi ni Mike hayaan ko nalang...ayoko lang talaga, eh.

Haayy..Salamat best! Thanks sa oras.

~
Masaya ako kahit paano dahil kahit anong gawin ko sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, ang mga kaibigan ko ay sinisiksik na sa akin na ako ang may kasalanan (Dahil kahit paano, hindi sila yung tulad ng iba na magsasabi na 'okay lang' yung ginawa ko. Sila yung nagpapakita sa akin yung kinalabasan nang katangahan ko). Totoo. Ako nagparusa sa sarili ko, ako naman ang nagsisisi. Singkit ang mga mata ko kanina pag-gising ko (hindi singkit na singkit, ha...pero halata talaga na umiyak ako). Hindi ako lumabas ng kwarto halos buong umaga na ganon ang itsura ko. 'Lang ya! Naka ilang tingin ako sa salamin para lang diyan. Buti nalang medyo nawala siya dahil ayoko makita ako ng Tatay ko na ganun itsura ko. Buti nalang habang dumaan ang mga oras nawala na ang pagiging Instik ko.

Sabog nanaman ang utak ko. Wala akong masasabi ngayon talaga tungkol sa buhay ko nakakalungkot. Nakakalumbay. Babalik nalang ako sa pagiging sobrang impassive ko. 'No comment' sa lahat ng bagay? P'wede kaya yun? Hindi.

Tatlong buwan nalang, apat na buwan, pitong buwan pa...

Ayos naman ang iskamen ko sa ECEDFND. Masusubukan din yung pasensya mo sa kakaantay dun. Buti nalang isa ako sa mga kalahati na maagang natawag. Oral siya kaya parang praktikal din dapat ang sagot mo.

Eto ang eksena:
*una akong pumasok kesa kay Annie*
Mrs de Ocampo: How are you?
Me: Alright. I'm doing great.
Mrs de Ocampo: How about you? *to Annie*
--
Mrs de Ocampo: Okay, pick a number from 1 to 30. *addressed to us*
Me: one *pfft, liar*
Annie: thirty
Mrs de Ocampo: Okay, for number one, How do children learn and explain?
Me: *flipping the pages of Muy's notes, easy easy easy (yabang mode)*

Mrs de Ocampo told Annie the question for number thirty.
Mrs de Ocampo: Ok, so who wants to go first?
Me: *flipping the pages of Muy's notes, bahala ka Annie, not answering*
Annie: she *points to me*
Me: okay. Uhm..Children learn from play.
Mrs de Ocampo: Yes, very good very good.
Me: Children discover new things because of play and blah blah blah blah blah.

Nasagot ko naman ng mabuti yung tanong niya. Sumangayon naman siya sa mga sinabi ko. Tinanong rin niya kung okay ako sa kurso ko. Sympre sinagot ko, oo. Hindi ko sinabi yun dahil sa grade, sinabi ko yun dahil totoo. Galing sa puso ko. I love CED!!

Bulgar

2006-08-25T11:47:00.000+08:00

Pakiramdam: okay na sana
Pinakikinggan ang: The Feel Good Drag ng Anberlin

~
Sobrang stressed-out ako ngayong araw na 'to. Simula sa pag-gising ko wala na akong inisip kung hindi tapusin ang proyekto namin ni Rizza sa EDTECH1. Pasaporte ko yun para makakuha ako ng kwatro dun. Gusto ko!! Ginawa ko yung kabuuan ng website dahil nawala lahat ng mga dokyumento ko dahil kay pareng Trojan. Dahil sa kanya, marami nanaman siyang kinain sa akin. Paano, gutom na gutom kasi siya. Puneyta ka kasi hindi lang ako ang may kompyuter sa mundo marami diyan sa paligid na punong-puno ng pr0n ang kanilang mga punyetang kompyuter! Mas matatakam ka dun alam ko yun.

'Yan yung website na ginawa ko. Haha! I likey orange.
Ano ba? Sobrang touched ako sa Tatay ko. Kahapon kasi, naantala ang kanyang pag-pasok at pag-ronda sa Makati dahil lang sa kompyuter ko. Mahal na mahal talaga ako ng Tatay ko alam ko yun kaya niya ginawa yun dahil ayaw na niyang gagabihin pa ako at mag-iInternet sa ibang lugar. Yun ang tingin ko. Tinira nanaman ako ng mga putang inang virus na yan. Ang dami nanamang mga dokyumento ang nawala sa akin - yung mga litrato na dapat ko ng in-upload nung Mayo at pati yung mga litrato ko sa layout na 'to. Nahiya na nga ako dahil kailagan pasado alas-otso ay wala na sana siya sa bahay. Pero ginawa parin niya ang pagsasaayos ng PC ko. Dahil lang sa mga putang inang virus na yan nahihinto ang mga kailagan niyang gawin. Maraming Salamat, Daddy! I labshooo.

Pasensya na sa pagiging bulgar ganito lang ako pagnaiinis. Pero ang kakaiba lang ay hindi ako palamura sa totoong buhay (yung tipong puro PI, gago, etc.). *owsss* Siguro kung kasama mo ako madalas mo lang maririnig sa akin ang iba't-ibang pagsabi ng "shit." Kadalasan kasi tinatago ko nalang sa loob-loob ko ang mga inis ko sa mga taong sobrang sarap murahin sa MRT, LRT, sa jeep at kung saan pa. Pero minsan pag hindi na kaya ng puso at bibig ko tatalak nalang 'to at maririnig mo akong magsabi ng: "Holy fuckin' shit." Sosyal. Sabi sayo hindi nawawala yung shit sa bokabularyo ko. Parehas kami nung isa kong crush. Sabi niya, "I say shit and fuck a lot." Same here! Meant to be. Joke!

Hindi ko alam kung paano talaga ako natuto mag-mura. Nakakatawa kasi wala sa imahe ko ang ganyan. Ang tingin kasi sa akin ng mga tao napaka bait ko pero punyeta ka nagkakamali ka. Kung gaano ako katahimik, kasing lakas ko naman mag-mura ang isang palengkera. Pero hindi ako palaaway. Ayoko sa away. Hindi ako madalas mangatwiran sa iba dahil mas ninanais kong manahimik nalang, makinig sa musika o matulog. Basta pag-hindi talaga ako inuudyok na mang-away hindi ako magsasalit. Kasi kung hinahamon mo ako at hindi ako rumiresponde magaaksaya ka lang ng laway mo kasi babastusin lang kita dahil hindi ako nakikinig sayo.

Haha, kakabasa ko lang ng blog ni Kevin kaya napunta sa ganyang pangiisip.

~
Ayokong umaakyat o bumababa sa hagdan sa estasyon ng MRT sa Ayala (yung malapit sa may sakayan ng taxi at dyip). Bakit? Makalat dun. Sobrang kalat maiinis ka. Dura dito, dinurang bubble gum doon. Mga tinapong flyers kanan, may mga patay na sigarilyo naman sa kaliwa. Mapanghi sa baba, nakakasuka naman pag-akyat.

Hindi lang naman sa ganyang lugar lang natatagpuan o maaamoy yan, eh. Kahit saan dito sa Maynila may makikita kang ihihinto ang kanilang mga kotse, bisikleta o motorsiklo para lang umihi sa pader. Titingin ka sa kaliwa mo, idudura niya yung uhog niya o ilalabas ang sipon. Ano ba ang tingin nila sa kapaligiran nila? Mukha bang isang malaking "spittoon" ang Maynila? Isa bang malaking kubeta ang Maynila?

Pare, ganyan ka ba magbigay ng pagmamahal sa kapaligiran mo? sa bansa mo? o mahal mo lang ang sarili mo at ikaw ay isa sa mga taong walang pakialam at sadyang bastos? Nakakalungkot na ganito ang ugali ng mga iba sa atin. Sa araw-araw na pag-commute ko, ito ang nakaharap sa akin. Kung p'wede lang sa isang pitik ng aking mga daliri mawala ang kaugaliang ito.

Namataan ko ang patalastas ni Johnny Delgado kahapon at talagang mapapaisip ka nga kung bakit ganun ang mga Pinoy. Sabi niya (hindi saktong pagkakasabi), bakit ang mga Pinoy pag-asa labas ng bansa sumusunod sa mga batas at patakaran ng bansang iyon? Bigla silang nagiging disiplinado samantalang dito sa Pinas ihihinto ang mga kotse nila para lamang umihi sa tabi at blah blah blah.

Bakit nga ba ganon?

Bakit bulgaran nating pinapakita ang hindi pagsunod sa mga alituntunin ng bansa natin? Pinanganak ba ang mga Pinoy na hindi disiplinado at lumalabas na bastos? S'ympre hindi. Alam kong hindi pero paano pa tayo uunlad sa ganyang ugali? Paano tayo uunlad kung kahit simpleng batas sa trapiko hindi natin masunod o magawa? Na pag nahuli, kokotongan pa ang pulis para makapuslit? Isipin mo, tatalak ka diyan at magrereklamo sa gobyerno pero ano ba ang nagawa mo para magkaroon ng kaibahan kahit sa isang simpleng bagay?

Maraming nagagawa ang maliit na bagay.

Haha. Naiinspire nanaman ako ng librong '12 Little Things Every Filipino Can Do.'

~
Huling eksaminasyon ko na bukas sa isa kong major. Sana maganda ang makuha kong marka. Hindi kasi siya pagsusulat, eh. Oral, pero open-notes. Naku~! Sige mag-aaral pa ako. Magandang gabi!